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Today, I burned my right boob. I got it by eating a hot pocket and accidentally spilling the extremely hot filling. I never thought I'd get laid before. This has just confirmed it. FML

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

#21050725
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35901) - you deserved it (40369)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

#21050614
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38064) - you deserved it (7136)

On 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, a kid in class kept chatting to his friend, and was made to swap seats. Every time the guy he swapped with moved, the stench from his armpits wafted over. It smelled like nacho cheese crossed with ball sweat. It got so bad that I eventually had to go dry heave in the toilets. FML

#21050316
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36779) - you deserved it (3221)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:55pm - health - by even axe would smell better (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

#21049132
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41091) - you deserved it (3813)

On 02/03/2014 at 8:29am - health - by Sleepless (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as usual, I stress ate. After having my exams prolonged for an extra week, I ate three extremely large packs of Skittles, and then threw them all up. Taste the rainbow, puke the rainbow. FML

#21048665
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38166) - you deserved it (14232)

On 02/02/2014 at 10:26pm - health - by Sad Student - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking a leisurely stroll through the woods in the nice cool weather, when a mountain biker came out of nowhere and tore past, barely missing me. As I counted my luck, another biker followed the first and crashed right into me. FML

#21045309
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38168) - you deserved it (4008)

On 01/30/2014 at 3:55pm - health - by ramble ramble (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

#21043075
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40869) - you deserved it (3811)

On 01/28/2014 at 2:43pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

#21042937
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39015) - you deserved it (10608)

On 01/28/2014 at 12:06pm - health - by just the tip, though - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML

#21042087
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53329) - you deserved it (4464)

On 01/27/2014 at 6:09pm - health - by knobbed (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I had to accept the fact that I'm going bald, after I noticed the hair on my chest is longer than the hair on my head. FML

#21037094
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36737) - you deserved it (3495)

On 01/23/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by Hairy_Potter (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

#21036028
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48730) - you deserved it (3843)

On 01/22/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

#21035436
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61132) - you deserved it (8691)

On 01/21/2014 at 8:16pm - health - by AnonWife - United Kingdom (North Lincolnshire)



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