Today, I found out why my room-mates and I have been ill for the past week. Apparently a rodent climbed into our water cooker and died. I have been drinking tea and eating noodles that have been tainted by a corpse all this time. FML

by hannaaaahr / 01/11/2012 at 3:08pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to run a timed mile. I'm terrible at running. During the run, I thought I was doing a good job. That is, until the teacher told me to stop because I was three laps behind everyone else. FML

by Fluffy / 01/11/2012 at 7:51am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I had gum surgery. I can't laugh. I can't smile. I can't talk. I can't eat. All I can do is wait for the pain medication to kick in. FML

by In Pain / 01/11/2012 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Health

Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh apparently. FML

by barface / 01/10/2012 at 9:52pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2012 at 1:04am / United States / Health

Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML

by owwwwwe / 01/09/2012 at 4:48pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Health

Today, I applied to a new gym. Now I have a hernia. FML

by naagodinho / 01/09/2012 at 9:56am / Portugal / Health

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

by Jonny / 01/08/2012 at 11:07pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML

by marie519 / 01/08/2012 at 7:59pm / United States (Mississippi) / Health

Today, my fiancé called and hung up right after I answered. He called back 5 minutes later demanding to know the name of the man who answered my phone. This "man" was me. I have bronchitis. Yes, he's aware of this. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2012 at 1:23am / United States / Health

Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML

by tictacnose / 01/07/2012 at 7:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I'm in Vegas to celebrate my 22nd birthday. I should be out having a blast, but a stomach virus thought otherwise. I'll be spending my birthday stuck in my hotel room eating microwaved soup. FML

by sick in Vegas / 01/07/2012 at 5:21pm / United States / Health

Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating 'morning sickness' all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2012 at 9:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Health