Today, I went to get my blood drawn to see how far along I am pregnant. The lady stuck both my arms twice and then busted a vein in my right arm. She told me to come back tomorrow to try again. FML

by Boo Boo / 01/21/2012 at 11:23pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML

by ohforcheese / 01/19/2012 at 3:19pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

Today, I explained to my dad that I think I have a vaginal infection. I asked if he could take me to the doctor. He responded by saying, "Just shove some ice up there. It'll go away." FML

by hurts.to.pee / 01/19/2012 at 12:14am / United States / Health

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

by Shameful / 01/18/2012 at 2:57pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, my parents are on holiday, which means I have the house to myself. Wild parties? Hot girls? Loads of beer? No. Flu. FML

by partypooper / 01/18/2012 at 10:29am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML

by harshdoobie / 01/18/2012 at 10:18am / Canada / Health

Today, I was addressed by name by the liquor store clerk. I've never told him my name. He's just seen my ID many times. FML

by Matchtopia / 01/17/2012 at 7:21pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, I broke my wrist when I got into a disagreement with a horse. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2012 at 1:13am / Canada / Health

Today, I found my boyfriend passed out on the floor. Then I passed out, due to anxiety of seeing him passed out. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2012 at 9:15am / United States / Health

Today, during swimming in PE, I kept noticing a stinging feeling on my scrotum. Every time I jumped into the water I would feel a sharp stab. After the full hour of hell, I went to the bathroom and looked in my new trunks. The designer had left their sewing needle in the crotch netting. FML

by CantPublish / 01/14/2012 at 10:07pm / United States / Health

Today, my family and I were burning our Christmas tree. For a laugh, my dad jokingly pushed me toward the fire. I tripped, and my doctor says the burns are probably going to scar. FML

by frownyface / 01/14/2012 at 12:32pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML

by shitttyyyday / 01/14/2012 at 2:47am / United States / Health

Today, I went to the gynecologist for the first time. I was so nervous that when she extended her hand to shake mine, I gave her my handbag instead. FML

by shellie / 01/13/2012 at 2:48am / Reserved / Health