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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, while pensively thinking up my next awesome Facebook status over dinner, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to get a life. FML

#15165493
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13696) - you deserved it (37918)

On 03/01/2011 at 6:18pm - health - by Baileyy - United States

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

#15161731
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29078) - you deserved it (5457)

On 03/01/2011 at 10:00am - health - by a -

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13553) - you deserved it (35017)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend woke up to me crying. He asked what was wrong, but before I could answer, he'd already rolled over and started snoring louder than ever, making the migraine I was crying about even worse. FML

#15152021
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29729) - you deserved it (6260)

On 02/28/2011 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

#15144008
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6985) - you deserved it (30150)

On 02/27/2011 at 9:20pm - health - by shirley (woman) - Spain

Today, I went to my first ever high school party with music, drinks, and dancing. Within a few minutes of taking my first ever shot of tequila, I was in the worst pain in my life. My parents were called and I had to be taken to the hospital. I'm alcohol intolerant. FML

#15141263
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42960) - you deserved it (13079)

On 02/27/2011 at 4:46pm - health - by Stormy (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

#15129596
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28741) - you deserved it (3707)

On 02/26/2011 at 5:59pm - health - by mwja (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

#15102552
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12327) - you deserved it (33646)

On 02/24/2011 at 2:32pm - health - by Steve - United States (California)

Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML

#15084705
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26276) - you deserved it (3391)

On 02/22/2011 at 10:55pm - health - by CarSick (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML

#15057968
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45296) - you deserved it (4737)

On 02/20/2011 at 10:28pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML

#15051482
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28339) - you deserved it (5173)

On 02/20/2011 at 12:04pm - health - by bouncekitty - United States (Illinois)

Today, to wipe his crack, my boyfriend is still using a newspaper that I left there when he first started refusing to buy toilet paper. FML

#15025165
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24747) - you deserved it (5456)

On 02/18/2011 at 4:39am - health - by pandaface (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I was thinking about my new diet and workout plan as I was getting dressed in the morning, feeling much thinner and more energetic. Just as the thought passed through my brain, the button on my skirt popped off. FML

#15013334
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27170) - you deserved it (5554)

On 02/17/2011 at 6:12am - health - by stillchubby (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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