Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML

by analeis / 03/25/2012 at 2:04pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Health

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

by Stephen / 03/24/2012 at 5:07pm / Sweden / Health

Today, I bought medical gloves to protect my hands from various chemicals at work since I have eczema. I had an allergic reaction to the gloves, and now my eczema is even worse. FML

by retyi43 / 03/24/2012 at 1:41am / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

by Anon / 03/23/2012 at 10:42pm / United States / Health

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

by Zak / 03/23/2012 at 7:10pm / United States / Health

Today, in health class we were watching a documentary about anxiety. My teacher asked if any of us often feel anxious. I was too anxious to raise my hand, and went into a minor panic attack. FML

by cjd / 03/23/2012 at 10:23am / Canada (Quebec) / Health

Today, I twisted my ankle during a round of golf, after trying to do a fancy jumping high five. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2012 at 4:17pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2012 at 10:59am / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

by nazooer / 03/21/2012 at 9:50pm / United States / Health

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

by J Rush / 03/21/2012 at 7:46am / United Kingdom (Powys) / Health

Today, I needed to buy a new helmet. When I got to the sport shop, there was only one left in my size and preferred color. 30 minutes after buying it, my head starts itching. Turns out I paid $40 for lice. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 5:54am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 12:50am / Canada / Health

Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2012 at 11:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Health