Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I found out that it's extremely difficult to take a dump while holding a cup under your ass for a lab specimen. I also found out that you get so nervous that you can actually forget to lock the door. FML

#14635663
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26379) - you deserved it (5228)

On 01/19/2011 at 3:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Lebanon

Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML

#14634381
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9870) - you deserved it (30985)

On 01/19/2011 at 12:45am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

#14630970
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21437) - you deserved it (3299)

On 01/18/2011 at 8:51pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

#14626510
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32044) - you deserved it (4687)

On 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus or blowing blood. FML

#14625013
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28179) - you deserved it (2704)

On 01/18/2011 at 9:37am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

#14618568
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26018) - you deserved it (7016)

On 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML

#14614721
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26500) - you deserved it (7063) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm - health - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I signed my own plaster-cast to make people believe that I actually have friends. FML

#14608704
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25834) - you deserved it (6976) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - health - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

#14600676
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22689) - you deserved it (7928)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

#14596150
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36655) - you deserved it (7850)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:11am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, it's the 3 month anniversary marking the day two friends and I shaved our heads as a show of solidarity for a friend starting chemo. Her prognosis is good and her hair only thinned slightly. We, on the other hand, look like a motley crew of lesbian biker chicks. FML

#14585633
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27165) - you deserved it (9932)

On 01/15/2011 at 2:09am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

#14579173
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25425) - you deserved it (4839)

On 01/14/2011 at 3:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I cleaned my entire apartment hoping to find the source of the terrible odor I've been smelling for the past week. It's me. FML

#14567308
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7307) - you deserved it (34415)

On 01/13/2011 at 4:12pm - health - by John - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • FML's Question Time #2 : School
  • We tried this before and it went pretty well, so here's another blog section for everyone to have give their opinion on a popular but controversial subject. OK, we're not debating a…

Thursday 23 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: