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Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

#8994102
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17080) - you deserved it (2742)

On 03/11/2010 at 9:44am - health - by captainkevineff - United States

Today, I was applying some acne ointment. The directions said, "Apply a thin layer, covering the entire affected area." In other words, for me: My entire face. Lovely. FML

#8988436
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17820) - you deserved it (3407)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:04am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

#8973652
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4275) - you deserved it (52059)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:53pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

#8958709
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18157) - you deserved it (2553)

On 03/09/2010 at 10:12pm - health - by whoanoa (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I finally jumped high enough to dunk on the ten foot rim. I caught my tooth on the net and nearly pulled my tooth out. FML

#8943287
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21562) - you deserved it (5410)

On 03/09/2010 at 10:32am - health - by supermanxs1 - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

#8941097
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5764) - you deserved it (31201)

On 03/09/2010 at 6:14am - health - by oww - United States (Virginia)

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated-looking my chest has become and how she only wants to help. Except that I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

#8940307
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32207) - you deserved it (2104)

On 03/09/2010 at 3:57am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML

#8923957
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18073) - you deserved it (5841)

On 03/08/2010 at 5:40pm - health - by gotitEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML

#8899793
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26887) - you deserved it (2375)

On 03/07/2010 at 7:16pm - health - by space_cadet90818 (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

#8883543
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7421) - you deserved it (31832)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:41am - health - by fatlady - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was walking through the mall with my husband. We came across a guy who was selling some weight loss pills. He tried to sell me some and I kindly declined. He told me not to deny my weight problems. Thanks. I'm 7 months pregnant. FML

#8859740
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20341) - you deserved it (1706)

On 03/06/2010 at 12:16am - health - by KateD - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

#8851700
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20546) - you deserved it (2191)

On 03/05/2010 at 7:40pm - health - by artsmart1 - United States

Today, my grandma's cat peed on my full leg cast. The closest doctor was a three hour drive away. So my grandma wouldn't take me at all the whole weekend. FML



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