Today, I had to use antiperspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 10:05am / Ireland / Health

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 3:40am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2012 at 9:24pm / United States / Health

Today, I finally broke down and told my mom that I'd relapsed with my eating disorder. She told me to quit whining and eat a burger because she didn't want to pay for another therapy session. FML

by SmallTownCutie / 02/22/2012 at 10:49pm / Health

Today, everyone in my house has a horrible stomach flu. My two toddler nephews don't understand that they need to throw up in the bathroom, so they just blow chunks everywhere. I have to clean it up, while trying not to do the same. FML

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

by mary / 02/21/2012 at 10:33am / Australia / Health

Today, I had to leave the movie theater early because I couldn't fit in the chairs. I guess I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2012 at 10:00pm / Canada / Health

Today, my boyfriend's father suggested that, ideally, I should aim to have my baby in early July, or wait until he gets back from Europe in October. I'm due September 4th, and he will be "incredibly disappointed" if he misses the birth of his first grandchild due to my "selfishness". FML

by preggo / 02/19/2012 at 3:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

by district12 / 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Health

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

by AnastasiyaNicholas / 02/18/2012 at 9:20am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of getting a root canal. I managed to warn the dentist that I was going to sneeze, but he didn't manage to get the tools out of my mouth in time. FML

by Anon / 02/17/2012 at 3:43pm / United States / Health

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 10:59pm / United States (Arkansas) / Health

Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML

by TerribleAddiction / 02/15/2012 at 12:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health