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Man or woman?

Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML

#21360941
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29934) - you deserved it (4109)

On 02/22/2015 at 8:54am - health - by IngenuityAbsent - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after swallowing my birth control pill, I threw up all over myself. I then had to search through my puke to find my birth control pill and attempt to re-take it. FML

Today, I got the most tear-jerking comment so far about my severe stutter. While I was talking to my neighbor, his little brother interrupted and asked me if I was possessed by a demon. FML

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

#21359857
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26206) - you deserved it (3061)

On 02/20/2015 at 2:25pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I pulled a muscle in my right shoulder and can barely move my arm. My friends keep asking if I'm sure it wasn't from jerking off too much. Truth is, I pulled it by playing on my computer too much. FML

Today, after 3 hours of sleep, I had to rush to my grandmother's house because she fell and couldn't get up. An embarrassed, half-naked old lady, a very wet rug, an ambulance and a trip to the hospital later, and she still refuses to use her cane and walker. I hope I'm not this stubborn when I'm old. FML

Today, I found out someone, most likely my psycho ex, has been posing as me on local interest websites, trolling a load of people, and giving them my address so they can come fight me. I found this out when a gentleman showed up at my house wanting to beat me shitless. FML

#21355802
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29686) - you deserved it (1616)

On 02/14/2015 at 7:14am - health - by u wot? (man) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

#21354746
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24645) - you deserved it (2328)

On 02/12/2015 at 2:16pm - health - by Dartfrogger - United States (Utah)

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

#21352523
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37985) - you deserved it (2314)

On 02/09/2015 at 1:23am - health - by wellalrightythen - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML

#21352130
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26622) - you deserved it (3958)

On 02/08/2015 at 2:46pm - health - by walllflower - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I figured out how my birth control works. If you're on your period for four months straight you can't have sex, so you won't be pregnant. FML

#21351947
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33763) - you deserved it (3418)

On 02/08/2015 at 5:26am - health - by irwingiggles (woman) - Netherlands

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's, some kids were running and screaming. One of them stopped right beside me, turned to face me, and threw up in my lap. FML

#21350906
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33062) - you deserved it (2286)

On 02/06/2015 at 12:32pm - health - by alostr1 - United States

Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML

#21349366
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15442) - you deserved it (39526)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:45pm - health - by februarymarchapril (woman) - United States (Texas)



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