Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my doctor told me I should consider a breast reduction. I'm a man. FML

#16136460
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35808) - you deserved it (12760)

On 05/11/2011 at 10:20pm - health - by anonymous -

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

#16131734
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30483) - you deserved it (2601)

On 05/11/2011 at 5:17pm - health - by pigeons_suck (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

#16128165
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9828) - you deserved it (38863)

On 05/11/2011 at 10:10am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I puked up a centipede. FML

#16126004
253 comments

Today, I learned what a nail gun shooting my leg feels like. FML

#16113761
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28575) - you deserved it (10962)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:12am - health - by Anonymous -

Today, I realised just how grossly out of shape I am, when I started violently sweating, felt light-headed, and almost blacked out. All this from helping my sister shift a sofa from the move-in truck to her living room. FML

#16092299
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10252) - you deserved it (31841)

On 05/08/2011 at 3:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, at 2 in the morning, my water broke. I called my mom and woke her up to come watch our older kid, while my husband and I went to the hospital. After being tested at the hospital, I was told I had just peed myself. FML

#16074801
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43347) - you deserved it (8479)

On 05/07/2011 at 1:58am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my doctor called and asked me when I could have my broken hand x-rayed again. I said the ER staff had told me it was a bad sprain over two weeks ago. I'm now in a full cast, and have to have my partially healed bones re-broken. There goes my summer. FML

#16070417
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30339) - you deserved it (2558)

On 05/06/2011 at 7:23pm - health - by in_pain (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I passed out when my blood sugar dropped. Three times. And each time, my roommate, who was right next to me, just let me fall because he liked the way my face looked. FML

#16063448
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33480) - you deserved it (4151)

On 05/06/2011 at 12:27am - health - by Koda -

Today, I learnt that eating McDonald's, Twisties, Chocolate and popcorn, then regretting it and going to the gym is a bad idea. I discovered how far vomit, on a moving treadmill, can be thrown across a room. FML

#16054918
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12125) - you deserved it (44845)

On 05/05/2011 at 9:47am - health - by gymgirl (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, she thought I was prank calling. FML

#16050622
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29190) - you deserved it (3281)

On 05/04/2011 at 10:38pm - health - by ouchies - United States

Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML

#16033229
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14027) - you deserved it (31212)

On 05/03/2011 at 3:51pm - health - by Username - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a picnic. After we finished eating he laid down, closed his eyes, and put his head in my lap. At the exact second that I bent down to kiss him, he jumped up to get the Frisbee. We both have bloody noses. FML

#16024989
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28775) - you deserved it (4044)

On 05/02/2011 at 9:41pm - health - by wtf1234 - United States



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: