Today, I was worried about my brother because he said that his new medication was making him hallucinate. I told him he should see a doctor right away. He said it was fine and that he had already seen a doctor. I later found out the doctor he was talking about was a hallucination. FML

by PickedOff / 04/27/2012 at 4:22am / United States / Health

Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML

by Weak Disposition / 04/27/2012 at 12:29am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, while enjoying breakfast, my teeth took a chunk out of my cheek. This happens regularly, even when I'm talking. Both my doctor and dentist have no idea why, and I'm in utter agony. FML

by bucktooth / 04/26/2012 at 7:04pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother scare the literal shit out of me, in Walmart. FML

by crazyk2468 / 04/26/2012 at 1:29pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I've been diagnosed with a severe lung infection. This causes me to viciously hack up a lung every two minutes or so. Not only can I barely breathe as it is, my job requires lots of running around, cleaning and interacting with customers. I have a five-hour shift tonight. FML

by MissMae93 / 04/25/2012 at 9:27pm / United States / Health

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML

by monkeycannon7 / 04/24/2012 at 12:36pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

by hottygirl905 / 04/24/2012 at 7:50am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, a therapist told me that I was too depressed to attend his depression group meetings. FML

by Sad Sally / 04/24/2012 at 7:22am / United States / Health

Today, I discovered I have really bad dandruff. I learned this when I went indoor mini golfing and my whole upper body lit up like a Christmas tree underneath the black light. Among my friends I'm now known as the abominable snowman. FML

by Andrew7847 / 04/22/2012 at 1:24am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML

by JurassicHole / 04/21/2012 at 11:27pm / United States / Health

Today, my friend was waiting outside the store while I bought a newspaper. Through the window, I saw two guys getting physical with him, so I went outside and they took off. I muttered, "Yeah, I thought so." They then turned around and beat the crap out of us. FML

by burr415 / 04/20/2012 at 6:55pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Health

Today, I traveled by plane for the first time. Once in the air, I was absolutely terrorized by the whole experience. Luckily, they had free booze on board, so I necked some to steady my nerves. Unfortunately, the vodka mixed with air turbulence made me spurt some vomit into my lap. FML

by Burp / 04/19/2012 at 8:37am / United States / Health

Today, I somehow managed to hit my head on a first aid kit. I now have a cut on my forehead and my boyfriend just keeps laughing from the irony. FML

by 352 / 04/18/2012 at 4:18pm / United States / Health