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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML

#15753750
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11462) - you deserved it (129251)

On 04/12/2011 at 10:01am - health - by sadcase - Australia

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

#15748072
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29389) - you deserved it (2951)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:07pm - health - by ILiveWithMorons (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after three days of hospital camping with my very sick husband, he was finally out of danger when I left last night to get my first good night's sleep in almost 96 hours. He woke me at 5 a.m. with a phone call asking me to bring him comic books because he's bored. FML

#15721476
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24778) - you deserved it (10459)

On 04/10/2011 at 6:59am - health - by Frazzled (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, when I picked up my repeat subscription of anti-anxiety medication, they had changed the packaging to be more 'child safe'. Now it's so hard to get the pills out that I had an anxiety attack trying to take one. FML

#15706489
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31895) - you deserved it (7456)

On 04/09/2011 at 8:53am - health - by VoiceMail (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

#15702397
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23044) - you deserved it (11869)

On 04/09/2011 at 12:01am - health - by FistFighter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML

#15693766
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24694) - you deserved it (3584)

On 04/08/2011 at 12:09pm - health - by jonh_215 - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

#15693395
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11918) - you deserved it (49351)

On 04/08/2011 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the emergency room. The doctor told me that my injuries and back problems are the intensity of those after a car accident. I slipped on a grape. FML

#15691583
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36531) - you deserved it (5053)

On 04/08/2011 at 6:35am - health - by ridella -

Today, I accidentally clamped my hair straightener down on my ear. Eleven hours later, it still feels like I have a burning, swollen fireball hanging off the side of my head. FML

#15681998
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27502) - you deserved it (11398)

On 04/07/2011 at 5:18pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finally learned why the application of lasers, acids, liquid nitrogen and witchcraft never did any good on the huge warts on my hands. Apparently, it's a genetic disease and not a virus. For unknown reasons, I've recently grown the normal viral kind too. On my tongue. FML

Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML

#15674369
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38292) - you deserved it (3784)

On 04/07/2011 at 12:17am - health - by ouchiee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that an unmentioned side effect of my new medication is body zits. I now have zits on my neck, my ear, and inside my nose. FML

#15666194
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32082) - you deserved it (3074)

On 04/06/2011 at 3:31pm - health - by ewwww (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to a baseball game. It was windy, so I decided to get my hat from the car trunk. When I opened it and reached in, loose papers started flying everywhere. Panicked, my dad slammed the trunk shut on my fingers. Entering the stadium, I discovered it was free hat day. FML

#15647807
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32097) - you deserved it (5303)

On 04/05/2011 at 3:46am - health - by oww (woman) - United States (California)



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