Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

#15102552
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11237) - you deserved it (31711)

On 02/24/2011 at 2:32pm - health - by Steve - United States (California)

Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML

#15084705
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26175) - you deserved it (3384)

On 02/22/2011 at 10:55pm - health - by CarSick (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML

#15057968
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42993) - you deserved it (4499)

On 02/20/2011 at 10:28pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML

#15051482
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26171) - you deserved it (4920)

On 02/20/2011 at 12:04pm - health - by bouncekitty - United States (Illinois)

Today, to wipe his crack, my boyfriend is still using a newspaper that I left there when he first started refusing to buy toilet paper. FML

#15025165
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23441) - you deserved it (5324)

On 02/18/2011 at 4:39am - health - by pandaface (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I was thinking about my new diet and workout plan as I was getting dressed in the morning, feeling much thinner and more energetic. Just as the thought passed through my brain, the button on my skirt popped off. FML

#15013334
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24889) - you deserved it (5296)

On 02/17/2011 at 6:12am - health - by stillchubby (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend fed me chocolate chip cookies with laxatives in them because he was concerned I did not poop enough. FML

#15012596
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36215) - you deserved it (3915)

On 02/17/2011 at 3:08am - health - by clashgurl8449 -

Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML

#15011813
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26081) - you deserved it (3900)

On 02/17/2011 at 1:22am - health - by no more tp -

Today, I underwent several cardiac tests involving heart monitoring nodes placed all over my chest. The lab techs didn't pre-shave the areas and yanked out big clumps of chest hair as they removed the 10 nodes. They laughed, and said it could take up to a year for the hair to grow back. FML

#15002719
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26608) - you deserved it (4066)

On 02/16/2011 at 1:53pm - health - by Magilla - United States (Indiana)

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

#15000870
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26368) - you deserved it (10676)

On 02/16/2011 at 9:26am - health - by mojolady -

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

#14997625
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42217) - you deserved it (3508)

On 02/16/2011 at 12:14am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

#14983932
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27764) - you deserved it (2633)

On 02/15/2011 at 12:09am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that it is never, ever a good idea to put a band-aid of any kind on your penis, because eventually you will have to take it off. FML

#14967873
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8717) - you deserved it (49134)

On 02/14/2011 at 12:31am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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