Today, we had a fish fry for Father's Day. I ended up getting a fish bone lodged in my tonsil, and I had to rush to the bathroom to pull it out. I threw up three times in the process and still didn't manage to get the bone out. FML

by dammitRandy / 06/19/2016 at 1:18pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, my boss brought us some small cakes from a recent trip to China. I opened mine and noticed a little foil packet wrapped with the cake, so I thought it was a powdered topping. I had a couple of bites before my coworker told me it was actually a desiccant to keep the cakes fresh. FML

by drymouth / 06/17/2016 at 7:51pm / United States (California) / Health

Today I got sunburned on my cheeks. This wouldn't be too bad if they were the ones on my face. FML

by Bunsofpain / 06/16/2016 at 2:56pm / United States / Health

Today, I saw the postman approach my house through the window, and my immediate reaction was to drop to the floor in fear. FML

by Trooper / 06/14/2016 at 8:19pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health

Today, at the doctor's, I dropped my pants and the attractive nurse assured me it was the biggest one she had ever seen. Unfortunately, she wasn't referring to my penis, she was, in fact referring to the huge haemorrhoid hanging out of my asshole. FML

by mind your own business / 06/13/2016 at 6:31pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Health

Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML

by r1has / 06/11/2016 at 10:58pm / Pakistan (Islamabad) / Health

Today, I was outside using a power sander. I forgot to put on mosquito repellent and a mosquito started biting me. My only somewhat-free hand was holding the power sander. FML

by ForSeriousReally / 06/11/2016 at 1:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my dad about my new diet. He somehow figured I was only doing it to look more attractive to guys, because he told me my weight is fine and that it's just my personality that needs work. Thanks a lot, Dad. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 8:39am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I lost the 5 pounds I had gained over the last few weeks. I had vowed to do whatever it took to lose that weight, and I actually did, when I caught a horrible stomach bug. I'd eat my words, but I'm pretty sure I'd just end up throwing them up. FML

by TPelekakis / 06/08/2016 at 1:01pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, after months of living on five dollars a day for food in college, I found out my parents bought me an expensive meal plan and forgot to mention it. FML

by malnourishedstudent / 06/08/2016 at 4:38am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, a violent attack of diarrhea send me running to the bathroom moments after I put my dinner in the oven. I made it out just in time to enjoy a lovely bowl of coal. FML

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

by fuckingcool / 06/06/2016 at 12:56am / Health