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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I deliberately didn't tell my therapist half of what I was going through because I didn't want to depress her. FML

#21153742
109 comments

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

#21153372
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39735) - you deserved it (6984)

On 05/27/2014 at 1:04pm - health - by fuckmuppet (man) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML

#21151195
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42100) - you deserved it (6885)

On 05/25/2014 at 1:35pm - health - by 5p4571k (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had a spur of the moment idea to go have my nose pierced. The piercer made sure to tell me how easily the little stud could get caught or hung up. I spent all day stressing over it only to scratch my nose and rip it out. Now I have a $40 bleeding hole in my nose. FML

#21149883
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21249) - you deserved it (33057)

On 05/24/2014 at 2:08am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

#21140637
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49817) - you deserved it (4456)

On 05/15/2014 at 1:08pm - health - by bruised_scrotum - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I took a pregnancy test because I'd missed a few periods, gained weight, and been moody. Turns out I'm just fat and moody. FML

#21139495
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46528) - you deserved it (10541)

On 05/14/2014 at 9:12am - health - by thanks4support - United States (Ohio)

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

#21138987
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22311) - you deserved it (64351)

On 05/13/2014 at 7:46pm - health - by ShutTheFuCupcake (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got a new dentist. You know how most dentists play soft, relaxing music? Well this guy seems to like rap a lot, and it's kinda hard getting your teeth cleaned to the sound of bullets going off. FML

#21131626
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38766) - you deserved it (4262)

On 05/05/2014 at 5:51pm - health - by randomusername99 - United States (New York)

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

#21130490
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41265) - you deserved it (10500)

On 05/04/2014 at 1:17pm - health - by Numbass123 (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

#21129797
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46423) - you deserved it (7316)

On 05/03/2014 at 5:10pm - health - by ughhhh - United States

Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML

#21129433
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37050) - you deserved it (6898)

On 05/03/2014 at 6:38am - health - by cocacola999 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had an ingrown toenail cut out, and the pain medication I received does not actually help with the pain. Instead, it makes me high, which results in me losing balance and slamming my injured toe into objects and then getting sick from that new pain. FML

#21128289
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42334) - you deserved it (4349)

On 05/01/2014 at 8:23pm - health - by pained (woman) - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my friends, and we got the idea to do some improv comedy together for a laugh. Barely two minutes into our fake political debate, everyone had apparently forgotten it was all a joke. Raging ensued, and a vicious fight quickly followed. FML

#21127290
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34080) - you deserved it (7676)

On 04/30/2014 at 4:56pm - health - by idiotfucks (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)



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