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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I had to stand up on a train for my 4-hour journey. Why? Two pregnant women flew into unbridled rage with me over sitting in the priority seating, saying I was selfish. I'm recovering from spinal surgery. FML

#21474057
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30501) - you deserved it (2114)

On 09/29/2015 at 4:33am - health - by hunchbackofnotredamn (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my wrist. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I am pretty sure mosquito bites are not supposed to start crawling up to your armpit while swelling. FML

Today, I sneezed so hard that I re-dislocated my shoulder. FML

#21470276
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22493) - you deserved it (1698)

On 09/19/2015 at 2:58pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm travelling across the country with my family. My grandma thought it would be a good idea to take her shoes off. It's been 5 minutes and my eyes are watering from the stench. We still have over 200 miles left until we get home. FML

#21470101
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20459) - you deserved it (1421)

On 09/19/2015 at 1:24am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML

#21469165
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26263) - you deserved it (3109)

On 09/16/2015 at 1:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Japan

Today, I finally kicked my awful nail-biting habit. All it took was a fractured jaw. I haven't been able to chew anything for two weeks. FML

#21468880
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20247) - you deserved it (2444)

On 09/15/2015 at 5:48pm - health - by brokenface (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my PE teacher yelled at me for not trying hard enough in class. This my second week back after being in the hospital with a collapsed lung. FML

#21468800
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27245) - you deserved it (1566)

On 09/15/2015 at 2:05pm - health - by King_of_Cha0s - United States (California)

Today, I slipped in my own vomit while dashing to the bathroom to puke. My knee hit and shattered the toilet; the toilet shattered my knee. FML

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML

#21467618
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22149) - you deserved it (1744)

On 09/12/2015 at 12:16pm - health - by RightInTheFace (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML

#21467535
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23978) - you deserved it (4502)

On 09/12/2015 at 4:11am - health - by dammit (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I gave blood for the first time, since I'm a universal donor. After it was done, I passed out, woke up, puked, and passed out again. The kind nurses told me I was the worst case they had seen all week. So much for doing something to help others. FML

#21467229
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22443) - you deserved it (1917)

On 09/11/2015 at 9:55am - health - by angelsaredicks (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up in sleep paralysis, hallucinating the sight of children hanging from the ceiling. Now I'm scared to sleep. FML

#21466828
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26225) - you deserved it (1738)

On 09/10/2015 at 8:32am - health - by bwoolf96 -

Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML

#21466659
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25702) - you deserved it (2405)

On 09/09/2015 at 9:15pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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