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Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML

#21469165
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26249) - you deserved it (3108)

On 09/16/2015 at 1:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Japan

Today, I finally kicked my awful nail-biting habit. All it took was a fractured jaw. I haven't been able to chew anything for two weeks. FML

#21468880
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20247) - you deserved it (2444)

On 09/15/2015 at 5:48pm - health - by brokenface (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my PE teacher yelled at me for not trying hard enough in class. This my second week back after being in the hospital with a collapsed lung. FML

#21468800
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27244) - you deserved it (1566)

On 09/15/2015 at 2:05pm - health - by King_of_Cha0s - United States (California)

Today, I slipped in my own vomit while dashing to the bathroom to puke. My knee hit and shattered the toilet; the toilet shattered my knee. FML

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML

#21467618
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22129) - you deserved it (1743)

On 09/12/2015 at 12:16pm - health - by RightInTheFace (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML

#21467535
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23974) - you deserved it (4502)

On 09/12/2015 at 4:11am - health - by dammit (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I gave blood for the first time, since I'm a universal donor. After it was done, I passed out, woke up, puked, and passed out again. The kind nurses told me I was the worst case they had seen all week. So much for doing something to help others. FML

#21467229
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22443) - you deserved it (1917)

On 09/11/2015 at 9:55am - health - by angelsaredicks (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up in sleep paralysis, hallucinating the sight of children hanging from the ceiling. Now I'm scared to sleep. FML

#21466828
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26223) - you deserved it (1737)

On 09/10/2015 at 8:32am - health - by bwoolf96 -

Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML

#21466659
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25701) - you deserved it (2404)

On 09/09/2015 at 9:15pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

#21466376
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22168) - you deserved it (4846)

On 09/09/2015 at 1:09am - health - by davetherave1983 (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my older brother offered me a cigarette. I took it and barely took a drag before he socked me in the arm and lectured me for taking the offer. He's an alcoholic, and smokes daily. FML

#21465117
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20697) - you deserved it (9041)

On 09/06/2015 at 2:59am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be funny to photobomb a photo. In doing so, I slipped over and snapped my arm in. I may now have to get surgery. The good thing is I made a hell of a photobomb. FML

#21464873
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20757) - you deserved it (9604)

On 09/05/2015 at 1:36pm - health - by the poor man - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

#21464787
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23908) - you deserved it (1649)

On 09/05/2015 at 4:39am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom



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