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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

#21168803
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47007) - you deserved it (3474)

On 06/09/2014 at 9:56pm - health - by Harry (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML

#21168348
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44640) - you deserved it (20215)

On 06/09/2014 at 3:36pm - health - by blanknameisblank (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

#21166299
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48053) - you deserved it (4884)

On 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm - health - by wish his dad had worn one (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

#21165275
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48533) - you deserved it (3952)

On 06/06/2014 at 7:09pm - health - by wo-ow (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

#21165218
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23186) - you deserved it (38998)

On 06/06/2014 at 6:01pm - health - by shartface12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML

#21165186
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48078) - you deserved it (5567)

On 06/06/2014 at 5:26pm - health - by FMyBrain (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML

#21163432
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35390) - you deserved it (16441)

On 06/05/2014 at 12:11am - health - by fat and alone - United States (Alabama)

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

#21158187
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42536) - you deserved it (3652)

On 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm - health - by half-dead in CA (man) - United States (California)

Today, freshly dumped and at a bar, I focussed my attention on trying to stand in such a way that I looked like an attractive, alluring, confident person. Apparently I forgot how to successfully stand upright and sprained my ankle. FML

#21157984
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36789) - you deserved it (9231)

On 05/31/2014 at 5:13am - health - by jjcod (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

#21154853
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38929) - you deserved it (5567)

On 05/28/2014 at 4:33pm - health - by angelamegan21 - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw the hottest nurse ever. Too bad he was pulling out a piece of wax the size of a raisin from my blocked ear. FML

#21154073
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41539) - you deserved it (7617)

On 05/27/2014 at 11:23pm - health - by idk - United States (Virginia)

Today, my allergies are so bad that it's affected the way my voice sounds. It's so bad my mom has taken to calling me Aflac because I sound like the duck in the commercials. FML

#21153823
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38029) - you deserved it (3981)

On 05/27/2014 at 8:13pm - health - by cc13799 - United States (New York)

Today, I deliberately didn't tell my therapist half of what I was going through because I didn't want to depress her. FML

#21153742
109 comments


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