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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out that there's something my new wife hates more than spiders. Black people. FML

#20441551
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19277) - you deserved it (4096)

On 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm - health - by WellShit (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

#20438564
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9967) - you deserved it (30462)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

#20435818
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33545) - you deserved it (9855)

On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML

#20433657
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24813) - you deserved it (3855)

On 12/31/2012 at 6:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a proper look at myself in the mirror. I have recently lost 5 lbs. Turns out that it mainly shows on my boob. Not boobs. Boob. Right one only. FML

#20429719
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28319) - you deserved it (1874)

On 12/29/2012 at 10:23am - health - by Amathiel (woman) - Norway (Sogn og Fjordane)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after spending a lot of money on photo shoots to build up my portfolio, I finally got an offer from a modelling agency. I ran outside to tell my parents, only for my brother to hurl an iced snowball straight into my face. I now have a huge gash over my cheek and nose. FML

#20428566
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32151) - you deserved it (3490)

On 12/28/2012 at 8:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML

#20426337
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19718) - you deserved it (1730)

On 12/27/2012 at 5:54pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

#20425068
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15088) - you deserved it (16929)

On 12/27/2012 at 1:46am - health - by pipefitter28 (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML

#20423262
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22003) - you deserved it (2145)

On 12/26/2012 at 9:05am - health - by ugh - United States (Ohio)

Today, after nearly a week of awful pain in my right lung, I finally went to see a doctor about it. When I mentioned my history of lung problems and suggested it could be pneumonia, he told me to "leave the diagnosing to the professionals" and ended up claiming I have acid reflux. FML

#20411951
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17855) - you deserved it (4117)

On 12/21/2012 at 5:41pm - health - by fucking fuck it fucking hurts (woman) - United States

Today, I took a bath because I couldn't get my left arm wet due to a minor medical procedure. My roommates decided to barge in to the bathroom and ruthlessly pelt me with flour. Not only did I find out flour burns the eyes, but the shock caused me to slip and submerge my arm. FML

#20408309
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29033) - you deserved it (1971)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:55am - health - by antiqued - United States (California)

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

#20407705
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16326) - you deserved it (12270)

On 12/19/2012 at 3:53pm - health - by Crusty -

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

#20406767
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23880) - you deserved it (2652)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:16am - health - by Igor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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