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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I started having chest pains and shortness of breath. I thought I was having a heart attack and I asked my husband to take me to the hospital. He told me to wait because he'd just ordered a pizza. FML

#21387949
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32089) - you deserved it (3035)

On 04/05/2015 at 8:27am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

#21387543
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32007) - you deserved it (2505)

On 04/04/2015 at 1:32pm - health - by fuck right off (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, the last thing I remember before getting the shit beaten out of me at the bar, was my dipshit brother saying to me, "Dude, I'm not a racist, but" and then ranting about how non-whites should get out of America. FML

#21387285
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27481) - you deserved it (2768)

On 04/03/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML

#21387213
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27525) - you deserved it (2151)

On 04/03/2015 at 8:42pm - health - by NotDrunk - United States (Texas)

Today, at my cousin's wedding, there was a bouquet toss. I jumped to catch it, only to get knocked down and crushed by a woman twice my size who'd jumped backwards. It still feels like someone shattered my ribs with a sledgehammer. FML

#21387046
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24578) - you deserved it (2503)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:08pm - health - by glocked and goaded (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to see my ill granddad in hospital. I saw lots of doctors around his bed, and they pronounced him dead, so I ran out crying. A little later, I found out that my granddad had been moved, and it was a different man in his bed. FML

#21386936
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32150) - you deserved it (3400)

On 04/03/2015 at 9:41am - health - by Ravhi Karia - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

#21386410
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27209) - you deserved it (3064)

On 04/02/2015 at 8:51am - health - by RomanceFail - United States (Kentucky)

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

#21386342
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38691) - you deserved it (2091)

On 04/02/2015 at 2:43am - health - by usadisvet (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I dislocated my toe while putting on my socks. FML

#21384619
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29792) - you deserved it (5063)

On 03/31/2015 at 6:54am - health - by billy - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

#21384468
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25763) - you deserved it (2215)

On 03/30/2015 at 10:50pm - health - by technical - United States (Washington)

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML

#21382942
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28084) - you deserved it (2065)

On 03/28/2015 at 11:50am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I was trying out for a position as pitcher for my college baseball team. I threw the ball as hard as I could, and then collapsed to the ground in agony from a dislocated shoulder. FML

#21382575
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27271) - you deserved it (4620)

On 03/27/2015 at 6:50pm - health - by Bonecrusher (man) - United States (California)

Today, I tore my ACL while doing physical therapy that's supposed to keep me from tearing my ACL. FML

#21381900
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32639) - you deserved it (2493)

On 03/26/2015 at 2:36pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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