Health: Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided...

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 256

You deserved it 36 920

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 06/11/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 655

You deserved it 45 684

By Darwin_Award_Winner - 07/06/2012 12:10 - United States - Beaumont

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 708

You deserved it 36 296

Party hard

By jagerbombs - 30/12/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 026

You deserved it 46 422

By pukeytimes - 10/04/2015 23:03 - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 837

You deserved it 2 252

Bugged

By IEatDammit - 30/01/2009 03:26 - Canada

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 452

You deserved it 6 236

By stillsick - 02/03/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 455

You deserved it 3 245

By Watchingmyfigure - 06/12/2016 17:55 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 975

You deserved it 1 234

Fight club

By just outdone - 31/12/2015 04:45 - United States - Turtle Lake

Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 798

You deserved it 1 381

By hate - 06/07/2017 11:58

Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 225

You deserved it 455

You BASTARD!

By moosemay - 02/04/2013 15:04 - Germany

Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 730

You deserved it 4 400

Markovski 18

Thursday 14 May 2015 15:49

Should've stole food back..

SlimDanny 15

Thursday 14 May 2015 18:03

Thanks for breaking this down for us.

Comments

Markovski 18

Thursday 14 May 2015 15:49

Should've stole food back..

DFMLharsh 20

Thursday 14 May 2015 16:22

Exactly! Your karma just bit your ass instead. Sorry though :/

deathcreep25 14

Thursday 14 May 2015 18:42

What if he didn't have food and that was the reason why he is stealing from him?

HeartYou101 31

Thursday 14 May 2015 19:46

#40, He shouldn't have moved out if he can't afford to live away from the family home...There's no excuse for taking someone else's food without asking

kmaheynoway 25

Thursday 14 May 2015 15:50

Brace for incoming "What a sh*tty situation" puns.

funkypenguin 7

Thursday 14 May 2015 19:32

Only things worse than the puns themself are the people saying to prepare for the puns.

iSativa 24

Thursday 14 May 2015 15:51

Passive aggressive notes work wonders

GavinoFreedom 20

Thursday 14 May 2015 15:52

Fyl and ydi. You put laxatives on a pizza for your roommate for revenge and then you ate it. Good Try

SlimDanny 15

Thursday 14 May 2015 18:03

Thanks for breaking this down for us.

ilovesoccer1610 31

Thursday 14 May 2015 23:17

I would have never figured this out without you.

JesusFreak227 15

Thursday 14 May 2015 15:53

Karma's a bitch

vikky538 28

Thursday 14 May 2015 20:04

In this case its double karma

saifnaqvi11 21

Thursday 14 May 2015 15:53

Wow that's pretty bad. FYL OP.

zlew19 10

Thursday 14 May 2015 15:54

What a shitty situation. Yes, I know I'm terrible.

dreamful_artist 14

Thursday 14 May 2015 16:31

Overused joke much?

brand125 17

Thursday 14 May 2015 18:34

and overused reply, haha

hippodankamus 22

Thursday 14 May 2015 15:55

What goes around comes around.

graceinsheepwear 33

Thursday 14 May 2015 19:55

and out

Googolman 29

Thursday 14 May 2015 15:56

Couldn't you figure out a more mature way of taking care of your problem?

ZombieSazza 34

Friday 15 May 2015 3:29

Sometimes talking to your flatmate doesn't always work. My flatmate knew which food was mine, to the point I'd write my name on it, but he'd still eat it. I'd ask him not to touch my food as I was going to eat it after classes, to find the empty wrappers on the worktop and a massive mess. Some people are honestly just dickheads. Can't wait to move out, July is just round the corner.