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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

#37200
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41142) - you deserved it (3030)

On 02/13/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by hhaannnnaahh (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to the gym to run. I ended up at the hospital because i went into anaphylactic shock. Apparently I'm allergic to exercise now. FML

#36818
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33939) - you deserved it (3174)

On 02/13/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

#36182
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41488) - you deserved it (6942)

On 02/13/2009 at 9:45am - misc - by veggiegal (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

#36168
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35262) - you deserved it (17977)

On 02/13/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by fmlfmboyfriendah (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

#35996
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40885) - you deserved it (6160)

On 02/13/2009 at 7:42am - animals - by abi_vet_student (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I found out that my parents can see a screen-by-screen of everything I say and do on my computer. FML

#35844
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49175) - you deserved it (7086)

On 02/13/2009 at 4:57am - misc - by Yazzy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my mom how much she had set aside for college. She then looked and me as if I were crazy and said "Why the hell would I do anything like that?" FML

#34502
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37714) - you deserved it (3792)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Dariya (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

#34420
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12540) - you deserved it (42902)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by idkmybffjill? (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

#33444
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51121) - you deserved it (5501)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Duckie W (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

#32415
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82833) - you deserved it (10958)

On 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by janedoe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dad's words of wisdom were, "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML

#30954
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43900) - you deserved it (3983)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by cdaniel2 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

#30360
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12015) - you deserved it (53648)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by a genius (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML

#29771
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28947) - you deserved it (4596)

On 02/12/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by language barriers (woman) - United States (California)



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