Today, my skin was turning black, and I believed I was reacting to a spider bite. I spent 4 hours waiting in an emergency room in the middle of the night, paid a $100 copay, and missed a night with my boyfriend just to have a doctor wipe dye from my brand new black jeans off with alcohol. FML

by Brooke / 08/09/2009 at 11:23am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I worked at my job at an amusement park at one of the roller coasters. I have to go around and make sure that every seat belt is around the passenger. I saw my boyfriend in a seat and ran over to say hi. I saw a girl next to him. I had to strap down my cheating boyfriend and the new girl. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2009 at 9:27am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I found out that not only has my father been cheating on my mother with another woman, but they have a child together with the same name as me. FML

by redbluegreen / 08/09/2009 at 5:26am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

by broke_otaku / 08/09/2009 at 12:21am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the phone with my mother making arrangements to go to a dinner tonight where I will be honored for my political activism. She made it clear she's only going for me, and does NOT support the gay rights group that is putting the dinner on. I was planning on coming out after dinner. FML

by acorn / 08/08/2009 at 7:59pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I competed in a ballet competition and made the finals, while I was on stage awaiting the results, I sneezed really loudly and snot went flying all over the stage. When I went to accept my award the woman presenting it refused to shake my hand. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2009 at 6:17pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous

Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML

by kittykat / 08/08/2009 at 2:02pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went for a hike with my new boyfriend on a fairly deserted trail my ex-husband had shown me awhile back. In all my hikes there, I've never seen another person and figured it would be okay to get intimate. Guess who came hiking past? That's right, my ex-husband. And our 8yr old son. FML

by embarassed / 08/08/2009 at 10:53am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML

by oshitdonotwant / 08/08/2009 at 9:42am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working in the box office. A group came in for tickets but wanted to pay individually. One paid $40 for a $25 ticket. Laughing, I reached for the calculator while saying, "I went to public school, so I can't do math." They didn't laugh. They were all teachers in public schools. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2009 at 3:02am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, was my 22nd birthday. The only person who remembered was the dentist who sent me a postcard in the mail. I stopped going to him four years ago. FML

by dentistftw / 08/08/2009 at 12:06am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my annual blood test. The nurse was inexperienced and it took her several tries to insert the needle properly. When I get back home, my fiancé starts yelling at me and storms out. The reason? I am a recovering drug addict and my arm appeared as if I had been shooting up. FML

by lydiacoolness / 08/07/2009 at 10:27pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

by Momlovesme / 08/07/2009 at 8:43pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous