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Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML

#21252521
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41043) - you deserved it (3678)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:11pm - love - by apparentlybutch (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, I was walking my dogs when a woman at a bus stop quite rudely exclaimed, "Keep those mutts away from my kid". I replied just as rudely that I wouldn't want them anywhere near her dirty sprog. It was then we both realised she was a customer that I regularly talk to at work. FML

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

#21251280
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31886) - you deserved it (3124)

On 09/03/2014 at 5:30pm - health - by svenska75 (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I unexpectedly ran into my boss. Last week, I'd met with him every day, putting together a last-minute presentation of my research for him to deliver at conference overseas. It turns out that his passport had expired. FML

#21250768
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31810) - you deserved it (2147)

On 09/02/2014 at 8:35pm - work - by theoftrescheduled (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the security at the airport were nice enough to remind me to take the laptop out of my bag. I wish they'd also reminded me to put it back in before I left. FML

#21250584
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37462) - you deserved it (11413)

On 09/02/2014 at 3:48pm - misc - by A continent away (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML

#21250056
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34857) - you deserved it (2800)

On 09/01/2014 at 9:53pm - health - by germophobe (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I returned from my first paid vacation in the past 2 years from a place with no cell, or internet. I've just found out that our department has been downsized. FML

#21249182
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32784) - you deserved it (2201)

On 08/31/2014 at 5:51pm - work - by Happy Employee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

#21248418
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34334) - you deserved it (2736)

On 08/30/2014 at 11:14am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40839) - you deserved it (9482)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

#21247893
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45253) - you deserved it (2780)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm - kids - by hannahka (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

#21247834
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36153) - you deserved it (3204)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

#21247811
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27405) - you deserved it (10494)

On 08/29/2014 at 11:38am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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