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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

#1775896
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31067) - you deserved it (78650)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML

#1775796
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19330) - you deserved it (74091)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:48am - love - by rawkdinosawr (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML

#1773793
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50762) - you deserved it (4802)

On 05/09/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the doctor. For the past year, my stomach would get upset every time I ate. Attempting to ease the pain, I would always eat a piece of bread. My doctor told me I have Celiac disease, which means I'm allergic to gluten. I'm allergic to bread. FML

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

#1769804
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13619) - you deserved it (47069)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:08am - animals - by Christine (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my boyfriend took me to his grandfather's funeral. At the reception, his family members insist on hearing me play piano. After getting positive reactions, I dive into one of my favorites, Rustle of Spring. In 2 seconds everyone bursts into tears. That was Papa's favorite too. FML

#1768165
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56051) - you deserved it (4283)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:54am - misc - by pianokiller (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

#1767727
693 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18444) - you deserved it (257902)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:43am - work - by pizzagurl (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I thought it would be funny if I put a 'Free if Hot-Wired' sign on my friend's car. I guess it worked. FML

#1766885
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8903) - you deserved it (80564)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by t-dawg (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML

#1763886
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56042) - you deserved it (3093)

On 05/08/2009 at 11:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while working at my tanning salon, a woman came in and I put her in a booth, which are all stand up. After she comes out, I go in to clean it and realize that floor is all wet. I questioned her about it and she replies, "Oh, I peed, that's not a drain?". FML

#1756175
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63480) - you deserved it (2622)

On 05/08/2009 at 7:17pm - work - by lover21 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

#1752202
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46019) - you deserved it (18271)

On 05/08/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by ydahs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79089) - you deserved it (24313)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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