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Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

#142269
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41011) - you deserved it (24739)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:08am - kids - by iailwkrb (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

#141258
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36180) - you deserved it (8439)

On 02/26/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by MadameM (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

#139747
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76122) - you deserved it (18762)

On 02/25/2009 at 11:51pm - intimacy - by jsw029 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around. I was sitting up on my bed when he reached down near my privates and said, "Wow babe, did you shave today? It's so soft..." He was actually touching my bottom roll above my vagina which delightfully formed a crease. FML

#139235
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52168) - you deserved it (19976)

On 02/25/2009 at 11:09pm - intimacy - by sopathetic (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

#138318
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14170) - you deserved it (68393)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:01pm - intimacy - by banana (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to have dessert with my boyfriend. We ordered some Jello. I said that I loved Jello because it is so fun and jiggly. My boyfriend said, "Like you. Except the fun part". FML

#137765
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44717) - you deserved it (5215)

On 02/25/2009 at 9:23pm - misc - by Jello (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert. FML

#137064
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65122) - you deserved it (8462)

On 02/25/2009 at 8:31pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML

#135942
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8909) - you deserved it (34918)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:56pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

#135663
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22451) - you deserved it (35127)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:29pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked downstairs in a new outfit, after dieting for 3 months, and losing just over 20 pounds. My mom took one look at me and said "You'd better keep going." FML

#134892
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44574) - you deserved it (3070)

On 02/25/2009 at 5:06pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the guy I like told me in casual conversation that I shouldn't get mad at him if he makes out with other girls at the bar, he only does it when he's drunk, that he doesn't really like them. We've been sleeping together for a week now. He met me at the bar. FML

#134877
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18699) - you deserved it (30707)

On 02/25/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by seriously? (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend said that being with me was his payment for past sins. FML

#134361
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48580) - you deserved it (5484)

On 02/25/2009 at 4:12pm - love - by sadgf (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my boss I was bored of being a cashier and would rather go to food prep. He told me I couldn't because my arms were too hairy. I'm a sixteen year old girl. FML

#133390
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44796) - you deserved it (5508)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:15pm - work - by hairy (woman) - United States (New York)



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