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Man or woman?

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

#90638
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65589) - you deserved it (10174)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by acw2110 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I returned from a half-month long trip to China with a group of friends. After throwing myself into my mother's arms and bursting into tears, she stops me to say 'Listen...these last couple of weeks have been some of the best I've ever had. Can we try to keep it like that?' FML

#89579
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38162) - you deserved it (3943)

On 02/20/2009 at 4:19pm - misc - by DuCkBuBbLeS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a bar with a friend. A guy came up to me, took my drink and drank it. I laughed and jokingly said "now, you have to buy me a drink." He said "I would rather buy your friend a drink." FML

#87320
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44202) - you deserved it (3468)

On 02/20/2009 at 11:16am - love - by darn it. (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

#87157
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49459) - you deserved it (24891)

On 02/20/2009 at 10:38am - intimacy - by clueless2 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

#86332
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68361) - you deserved it (3055)

On 02/20/2009 at 4:24am - misc - by OutoftheLoop (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You know, I never received the e-mail regarding your disabilities that your parents mentioned. Could you have them resend it?" What disabilities? FML

#85475
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47209) - you deserved it (2239)

On 02/20/2009 at 1:16am - work - by Jedi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my college friend that I considered her to be my best friend. She responded, "I don't think you should call me that." FML

#84987
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33334) - you deserved it (3389)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:25am - misc - by Oh dear... (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

#84789
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81190) - you deserved it (16760)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at the library studying. There was a really cute guy across the room. I decided to play it cool and walk his way and grab some water. Right as I walked by, my body decided to let out the loudest fart. He laughed. I kept walking and asked my friend to grab my books. FML

#80589
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24579) - you deserved it (11501)

On 02/19/2009 at 6:17pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So...when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

#79632
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37272) - you deserved it (2093)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by sen (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my sister asked if she could look through my closet to find something to wear. She is 6 months pregnant. FML

#79349
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38046) - you deserved it (7387)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:11pm - health - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked out of the bathroom when two guys were checking me out and said "nice tail" I smiled and strutted to my next class. When I was about to sit down in my desk, the girl behind me said "did you know you have toilet paper hanging out of your pants?" FML

#79347
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14666) - you deserved it (30298)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:11pm - misc - by Christen (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out : "Are you having fun ?" FML

#76277
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9107) - you deserved it (37882)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:06am - misc - by cynicalcindy (woman) - United States (California)



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