Today, I was following my dad while texting, not really watching where we're going. Suddenly, he ran ahead and I looked up to see what he was doing. We were in the men's bathroom. There were 3 guys at the urinals. I'm a 15 year old girl. FML

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

by Whoops / 09/03/2009 at 4:28pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my boyfriend after not seeing him for 7 months. During this time I have lost a lot of weight and am proud of it. My boyfriend didn't say anything about the lost weight. When we were alone and things started to heat up, he took off my bra and said "I think your tits are smaller." FML

by LosTits / 09/03/2009 at 1:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I awakened from my peaceful slumber in a great mood. I walked into my closet, ready to pick out an outfit for the day, to find my two year old daughter, kneeling on the floor with a pair of scissors in her hand, cutting up my wedding dress - my wedding is tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2009 at 1:05pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Kids

Today, I had been working at the checkout for over 5 hours. Slighty tired while serving a customer, my eye accidentally twitched and I gave him a wink, he smiled and winked back. When I finished work 2 hours later he was outside, waiting for me, and followed me to my car, still smiling. FML

by Pop_Pies / 09/03/2009 at 9:27am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I had to catch a coach to London at 4 in the morning. I was late so I had to take any free seat, so sat down next to a seemingly sweet old man. Within ten minutes, the sweet old man was trying to kiss me and trying to pull me on top of him. Nobody said anything. The journey was 4 hours long. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2009 at 8:54am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was able to check my voicemail and email for the first time in two weeks. The only message I got was from my landlord telling me that the house I'm renting is in foreclosure, and I needed to have all my stuff out in ten days. He left the message nine days ago. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2009 at 5:48am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML

by sexyfreak2510 / 09/03/2009 at 2:47am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell asleep during naptime. I'm the teacher. FML

by yogabbagabba / 09/03/2009 at 1:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2009 at 11:21pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

by lifeguardfuckup / 09/02/2009 at 9:18pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

by ooops / 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I was having lunch with my boyfriend and talking about how stressed out I've been because of my job. While I'm speaking, he pulls out his phone and says his boss is texting him and it was important. There was a game of Tetris reflecting onto his glasses from his phone. FML

by littlemissignored / 09/02/2009 at 3:17pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love