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Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML

#259526
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101097) - you deserved it (6307)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:55am - work - by SalonGirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

#259383
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32858) - you deserved it (55463)

On 03/10/2009 at 5:56am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

#257838
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55723) - you deserved it (3565)

On 03/10/2009 at 12:20am - love - by nononame (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I called off work saying my Great Grandmother died. A co-worker texted me later asking where and when the funeral was. I made up a lie and said some random funeral home and date. My co-workers sent flowers to the funeral home for condolences. The flowers were returned. FML

#257281
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6405) - you deserved it (84101)

On 03/09/2009 at 11:32pm - work - by Whatever01 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was babysitting an eleven year old boy. He decided we should play with nerf guns with velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck on his pants wiggling for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML

#256188
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44547) - you deserved it (11933)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - kids - by xoVioLoveox (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in my backyard scolding my cat. I yelled, "If you can't learn to use the bathroom correctly then I am going to leave your stupid butt out here in the snow until you figure it out!!" Later, my neighbor left me a nasty note about child abuse - she thought I was scolding my son. FML

#255521
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46729) - you deserved it (10617)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:16pm - kids - by flaggurl (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

#255362
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68871) - you deserved it (2775)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:03pm - health - by toothache (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

#254929
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19961) - you deserved it (50032)

On 03/09/2009 at 8:26pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

#253900
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79206) - you deserved it (7743)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by missy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom called and told me I got accepted to my first-choice college. I got really excited and asked her to read me the letter. As she started to read it, she said, "Oops... uh, nevermind." FML

#252648
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70176) - you deserved it (2613)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by stillwaiting (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

#251967
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (181404) - you deserved it (13171)

On 03/09/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by tamponmayhem (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to lighten my hair. I applied the dye and waited 20 minutes. When I went to wash the dye out, the water wouldn't turn on. After my head started to burn, I called the landlord in a panic. Turns out there was a water main break and the entire city block doesn't have water. FML

#250942
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74517) - you deserved it (5289)

On 03/09/2009 at 12:23pm - misc - by NowABlonde (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided to do a load of laundry. Two minutes into the cycle, I realized that I left my iPod in my sweatpants pocket. The washing machine door locks automatically and cannot be opened until the 40-minute cycle is up. FML



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