Today, I took a look at my boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps for the past three months. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2009 at 2:05am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I was getting changed in front of my room mate of two years. Feeling comfortable, I took off all my clothes and started putting new clothes on. I asked why she wasn't taking her eyes off my naked body. She said "I'm loving the view. Didn't you know I'm a lesbian?" FML

by EyesOffMe / 09/07/2009 at 12:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I was finished eating at McDonalds, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car was the Hello Kitty toy I got from McDonalds. Someone broke into my car for a 10 cent toy. FML

by effmylife / 09/06/2009 at 7:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2009 at 7:09pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2009 at 5:50pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband asked me for permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML

by mandinga / 09/06/2009 at 5:35pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I met some of my boyfriend's family for the first time. His aunt said I was really cute, which made me happy. As we were leaving I said "Your aunt thought I was cute." His reply..."Yeah, well, my aunt's on drugs". FML

by me / 09/06/2009 at 5:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was fired from my job. I was a lifeguard and the other day a 30 year old man who only spoke spanish hit on me. I'm 16 and politely rejected him. He then went to the front desk and told them how I tried molesting him in the locker room. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

by asdfjkl / 09/06/2009 at 1:27pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML

by beccaj_ilh / 09/06/2009 at 11:04am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Love

Today, I was fired from my catering job for pointing out the unsafe food conditions. I'm studying food safety in college. FML

by boohoo / 09/06/2009 at 10:21am / Ireland (Dublin) / Work

Today, I decided to visit my dad. I haven't seen him in a while so I wanted to give him another chance to be an actual dad to me. Apparently, getting drunk and getting it on with his girlfriend while I was there was more important than spending time with his daughter, who he hasn't seen in almost a year. FML

by Forgotten / 09/06/2009 at 3:26am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

by Porkchop05 / 09/06/2009 at 1:44am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy