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Man or woman?

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22166) - you deserved it (131466)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went to a Bat Mitzvah. We played a game where all of the girls grabbed one of their shoes and placed it in the middle. Then, all of the guys had to pick a shoe. Whatever guy picked the shoe, the girl had to dance with. No one picked my shoe. Everyone else was dancing except for me. FML

#1598244
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53716) - you deserved it (4705)

On 05/03/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by xoxo96 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23587) - you deserved it (83176)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my dad's friend complaining to my dad that his new baby boy is a ginger. I continued listening, and heard my dad saying, "Yeah, there's nothing worse than having a ginger." I'm his daughter. I'm a ginger. FML

#1591597
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56623) - you deserved it (6639)

On 05/03/2009 at 12:40pm - misc - by Deirbhile (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML

#1590703
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43575) - you deserved it (6607)

On 05/03/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by lalibear (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon. FML

#1590402
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39407) - you deserved it (24432)

On 05/03/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Sally256 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, it was my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Along with a pair of $80 shoes, I bought him a birthday cake, his favorite ice cream and a $15 balloon. I showed up to the party and he was very intoxicated. So intoxicated that he pops the balloon, drops the cake, and throws up all over his new shoes. FML

#1589667
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63987) - you deserved it (7778)

On 05/03/2009 at 11:22am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was babysitting this little girl. She told me she wanted to go to the park so we did. When we were walking back, I was caring her on my back. When were almost at the door, she told me she had to go pee. I told her to hold it. As we were walking in the door I felt a warm spot on my back. FML

#1589486
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42089) - you deserved it (15647)

On 05/03/2009 at 11:15am - kids - by Dumbblonde (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I noticed that someone smeared "wash me" into the grime of my car. I decided to take it to get a wash. I pulled up, put my vehicle in neutral, and kicked back as it slowly started to move. You never realize how long it takes a sun roof to close until water is dumping on your head. FML

#1586580
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13827) - you deserved it (56426)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML

#1585539
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48462) - you deserved it (8471)

On 05/03/2009 at 4:37am - health - by bananayellowteeth (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was in the grocery store buying a few things. A sales associate came over the intercom system saying, "Attention Safeway customers. If you drive a blue Subaru, it's rolling into 18th Ave." Everyone laughed except me. I forgot to set the brake. FML

#1582380
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18477) - you deserved it (44821)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 6 year old granddaughter was sitting on my lap playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die can I have that one?" FML

#1579657
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57545) - you deserved it (3845)

On 05/03/2009 at 12:16am - kids - by itswhateverr (woman) - United States (New York)



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