Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML

by juliaspaperbags / 08/16/2009 at 10:32am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

by bunny / 08/16/2009 at 9:58am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

by irony / 08/16/2009 at 3:05am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML

by stupidtoothpick2 / 08/16/2009 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML

by Tiff676 / 08/16/2009 at 12:31am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a family gathering, my aunt asked me when I was planning to have children. I'm only 16, I laughed and said not for a while, definitely not until I get married. My family shook their heads, and ignored me for the rest of the day. Apparently, teenage pregnancy is valued in my family. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2009 at 7:42pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

by notguilty / 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that I puke and then pass out at the sight of blood. I am a 16 year old girl expecting hundreds of periods to come. FML

by hellnooo / 08/15/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my sister and I were reading the new FML posts. I sat close to the fan, and after a few minutes, I leaned against it for support. It immediatly sucked up my hair and started violently twisting it. My sister continued to read and shouted at me because my cries for help are distracting. FML

by baldintheback / 08/15/2009 at 3:21pm / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML

by whatgoesaround / 08/15/2009 at 2:51pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was in the doctors they told me that me and my son needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldnt hurt and shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me my shot I started crying. My four year old son handles pain better than his 29 year old mom. FML

by wimp / 08/15/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, my 250 pound boyfriend was on top of me while we were making out. I actually passed out in the middle of it from not being able to breathe. FML

by Squashed / 08/15/2009 at 2:13am / United States / Love

Today, I decided to be safe and tested a small dime-sized amount of Nair on my inner arm before using it. I didn't react badly. But as soon as it was washed off from my down-there hair I sure as hell reacted, with small bumpy red dots that look like an STD. FML

by Dammit / 08/15/2009 at 1:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Health