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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was getting ready for a date. I spent extra time getting ready in the shower, making sure I was all shaved. I was shaving my upper lip to make sure I didn't have a mustache. I cut my lip really badly, leaving the most noticable razor cut on my face for my date. I'm a girl. FML

#4035403
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38418) - you deserved it (27105)

On 07/25/2009 at 6:22pm - love - by dajfleasd (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

#4034101
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44106) - you deserved it (25294)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Mom (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was checking out my boyfriend's facebook profile. I saw that he had just taken the "How long will it take for your girldriend to realize you're cheating on her?" Quiz. FML

#4034087
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53430) - you deserved it (5603)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

#4031400
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75735) - you deserved it (9063)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by misopower (woman) - China (Henan)

Today, while trying to get my attention, my dog got her nail stuck in a usb port in my laptop. She freaked out and ran off, dragging it off my lap and through the house before if came off. Her nail was only slightly chipped- my laptop now has a cracked screen. FML

#4031277
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42693) - you deserved it (8737)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:43pm - animals - by stpddog (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year old daughter to see what she thought of the microwave. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML

#4026521
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9577) - you deserved it (85763)

On 07/25/2009 at 7:30am - kids - by BlueBaby123 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML

#4025974
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52412) - you deserved it (8746)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:55am - kids - by Kimberly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "wtf am I doing," he kissed my boob. FML

#4021792
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18722) - you deserved it (51581)

On 07/25/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend came home from being deployed for the past 3 months. As soon as he gets out of the car, he walks right past me and goes to hug his dog. FML

#4020380
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46923) - you deserved it (8421)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:25am - love - by sadgf (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I spent my date night babysitting. After waiting three hours later than I was supposed, the mother finally gets home at 11, too late for me to get out and have any fun. Already annoyed, I take the money as she says, "I hope this is enough, I got hungry and spent some of your money." FML

#4020289
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50508) - you deserved it (2990)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:21am - work - by hugs511 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to the dentist to have two cavities filled. I hate the dentist. After he'd started drilling, I heard a "clunk" noise followed by an "Oops." My dentist had cut my tooth in half. Now I have to go to surgery to have the tooth extracted. FML

#4020266
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53069) - you deserved it (2804)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:21am - health - by Toothy. (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML

#4017197
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41898) - you deserved it (9394)

On 07/24/2009 at 10:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Brazil

Today, my auto-repairman told me my heavy mass of keys was bad for the ignition switch and suggested I separate my house and car keys. I began to carry my car keys and lock the house keys in my glovebox. My car was stolen. I now have car keys but no car and a house with no house key. FML

#4014904
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36717) - you deserved it (14464)

On 07/24/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by LockedOut (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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