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Yesterday,hile working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work an annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in aheelchair opened the door. FML

#1767727
693 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16079) - you deserved it (243983)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:43am - work - by pizzagurl (woman) - United States (Georgia)

TODAY, I TOUGT IT WOULD BE FUNNY IF I PUTTD A 'FREE IF HOT-WIRD' SIGN ON MY FRIEND'S CAR. I GUESS IT WORKD. FML

#1766885
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8126) - you deserved it (77535)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by t-dawg (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticd a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approachd the toilet ready to dispose of it. That'shen I noticd itshiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML

#1763886
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55883) - you deserved it (3085)

On 05/08/2009 at 11:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today,hile working at my tanning salon , a woman cummd in and I puttd her in a booth,hich are all stand up. After she comes out , I go in to clean it and realize that floor is all wet. I questiond her about it and she replies , "Oh , I ped , that's not a drain?". FML

#1756175
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60972) - you deserved it (2447)

On 05/08/2009 at 7:17pm - work - by lover21 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while in the hot tub with mah friends, mah gum fell out of mah mouth and I had no idea where it went . Later that night I realized it had fallen down mah swimsuit and had become adhered to mah pubic hairs which then stuck to mah underwear . mega FML

#1752202
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45874) - you deserved it (18236)

On 05/08/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by ydahs (woman) - United States (California)

TODAY, I WAS SERVING A FAMILY AT THE RESTAURANT WHERE I WORK. WHEN I WENT TO ASK THE LITTLE GRL WHAT SHE WANTED, I WAS TONGUE-TIED AND GOT "CUTIE" AND "HUN" MIXED UP AND ENDED UP ASKING, "WHAT CAN I GET 4 YOU, CUNTIE?" FML

#1751488
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78843) - you deserved it (24272)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I lerened that no matter how much you assume that the crunchy bits in a bag of crisps are in fact crisps, you will occasionally fine that yur assumptions are wrong. Beetles just don't have the same appeal. FML

#1749870
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42006) - you deserved it (5321)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I found out that mah husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

#1749459
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139560) - you deserved it (14165)

On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait

Today... I had a terrible dream where mah boyfriend cheatd on me with his ex. I woke up almost crying and calld him just to tell him how much he means to me. Turns out mah dream gave him that little extra push he needd to confess he's been cheating on me. With his ex. FML

#1747216
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79451) - you deserved it (4427)

On 05/08/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by WonderWall09 (woman) - United States (Florida)

YESTERDAY WHILE WORKING AS A MAKEUP ARTIST IN THE MALL , I WAS APPROACHED BY A MAN WHO WANTED TO TRY LIPSTICK (NOT UNUSUAL WE DO A LOT OF DRAG). WHILE I'M APPLYING IT HE STARTS TO MAKE GROSS NOISES AN AFTER A QUICK GLANCE I REALIZE HE HAS A MASSIVE ERECTION. HE THEN WHISPERS MMMM DON'T STOP NOW. FML

#1745966
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75289) - you deserved it (3921)

On 05/08/2009 at 10:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had surgery on my foot!! The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months!! I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with mehile on bed rest for the next week!! He texted back, ( No way!! I don't date cripples!! ) Dumped for a broken foot!! FML

#1743823
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61944) - you deserved it (4835)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:28am - health - by gimp. (woman) - United States (California)

Today , I went to Target. I was on way to the bathroom when I find a huge mirror. No one was around so I started to see how butt looked in jeans , checked up nose and fixed bra. An older woman then walks out of a door next to the mirror and explains that it's a two-way mirror. big fat FML

#1741701
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18255) - you deserved it (42603)

On 05/08/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by cammy123 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Yesterday, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed several cute guys playing a pick-up game, so I tried to run hardest. Not paying attention, I didn't hearhen they warned me about the ball flying toward me. It hit me in the head, I then ran into a wall and face-planted. mega FML

#1739978
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17404) - you deserved it (36532)

On 05/08/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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