Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

#300638
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30369) - you deserved it (63755)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by DanniRae (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I saw him with another woman. I confronted both of them in screaming rage "What the fuck? Are you cheating on me with this ugly slut?" They were in shock. Turns out it was his cousin visiting from New Jersey, he was gonna introduce us at dinner. FML

#300498
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16051) - you deserved it (178074)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:18am - love - by nowthatsfcked (woman) - Canada

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend that I've had a crush on him since our junior year. Since I couldn't see him I shot him a text. His response: "Yeah I know. I've tried kind of ignoring it." FML

#299103
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68550) - you deserved it (6515)

On 03/13/2009 at 3:27am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML

#297677
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98573) - you deserved it (3861)

On 03/13/2009 at 1:30am - misc - by depresso (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friends and I were drinking boba. On the side of the cup it said "Please drink carefully to avoid choking on the Boba". I started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the label, and choked on the boba in a coughing fit. FML

#296354
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12549) - you deserved it (61977)

On 03/13/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. After being upset for not hearing my car alarm go off I realized it had in the middle of the night. I had woken up and cursed the idiot who set off their alarm and put a pillow over my head, falling back to sleep shortly after. FML

#295386
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11612) - you deserved it (41164)

On 03/12/2009 at 11:42pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mother finally had her beloved Siamese cat cremated. The cat has been dead for over a week and she has been keeping it on her bed, stroking its fur and saying, "She looks like she's sleeping" and "She's so cold." To top it all off, she's been calling me by the cat's name for three years. FML

#293616
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81790) - you deserved it (3190)

On 03/12/2009 at 10:20pm - animals - by LJ (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I have never been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been to Maryland. FML

#290845
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88905) - you deserved it (3822)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:38pm - money - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

#287682
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131219) - you deserved it (19386)

On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boss forgot her meeting with an official from the military base and called to ask me to handle it. The very cute Marine showed up that afternoon and we talked for an hour. After he left, I realized I had forgotten about the paper mustache I taped to my face for fun that morning. FML

#285039
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15392) - you deserved it (65265)

On 03/12/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by Jaeda (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

#284763
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62948) - you deserved it (21203)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by mugs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was woken up by the sound of power tools at 6:30am. I stuck my head out my window and yelled at them to shut up. They didn't stop. I walked out the front door to find the bastard. It was firemen. They were sawing down the door of my neighbour's burning house. FML

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

#280211
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32146) - you deserved it (94513)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:07am - health - by lolzor (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: