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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was taking my boyfriend to the mall. In the parking lot I pointed out an old man in a vibrant pink sweater who was leaving by saying "He is so gay." My boyfriend got out of the car and walked towards the man calling "Hey Papaw!" It was his grandfather. FML

#1067181
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11023) - you deserved it (72235)

On 04/17/2009 at 8:46pm - misc - by grampsisgay (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

#1056557
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88869) - you deserved it (4011)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by wellesleybanana (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years (whom I was hoping to have a future with) to talk to him about it, all he said was "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

#1056544
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58162) - you deserved it (6645)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I swam in a race against all of the girls in the midwest in the hardest, longest, most grueling race you can swim. I won. Happy but so tired I could barely move, I looked up to see my time. I had been disqualified. For flinching. Before the race started. FML

#1054756
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76457) - you deserved it (5992)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I go over to him and ask if his mom knows where he is. The boy turns around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML

#1054716
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28673) - you deserved it (51965)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by jules (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

#1054531
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10531) - you deserved it (98962)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by .... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

#1052920
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11204) - you deserved it (58472)

On 04/17/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by lalalohan (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my husband of three years told me he only proposed to me because his favorite football team was winning and he had been drunk. I had our second child three days ago. FML

#1051397
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85755) - you deserved it (4733)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

#1047617
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7813) - you deserved it (76580)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:12am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

#1046980
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90382) - you deserved it (7350)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML

#1043962
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58089) - you deserved it (3144)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

#1043784
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57531) - you deserved it (2295)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by eyeamcool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

#1040917
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45488) - you deserved it (21159)

On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)



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