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Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

#946038
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101570) - you deserved it (8760)

On 04/13/2009 at 8:07am - intimacy - by bodyelectric (woman) - United States

Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML

#945659
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13129) - you deserved it (75688)

On 04/13/2009 at 6:46am - intimacy - by jackass (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

#942012
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52087) - you deserved it (3264)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by fatface (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

#940649
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43630) - you deserved it (17574)

On 04/12/2009 at 10:49pm - health - by EpicFailAtItsFinest (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my two year old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML

#940357
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36661) - you deserved it (23148)

On 04/12/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at a pool party. My friend's little sister pushed me in the pool. When I got out, I pushed her in. She started screaming, and I started laughing because I thought she was pissed that I pushed her in. That wasn't why she was screaming. She can't swim. Her whole family witnessed it. FML

#937193
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47253) - you deserved it (18416)

On 04/12/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by imbx (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, the guy that I like took me on to the Cavaliers game. At the game, on the jumbotron they do a thing where they show couples and have them kiss, the camera goes on to us and as I go into kiss him he turns and says "not in this lifetime". The entire stadium got to see me get rejected. FML

#934076
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131854) - you deserved it (9891)

On 04/12/2009 at 6:40pm - love - by cavgirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, for Easter, my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML

#924153
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (129843) - you deserved it (6659)

On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was going on a plane to Chicago. My passport picture is 6 years old, and back then I was a beautiful model. Now, I gave birth to a child and gained 50 lbs. When I showed my passport to the airport atendents, I got arrested for stealing someones passport. FML

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

#923154
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124965) - you deserved it (6938)

On 04/12/2009 at 6:47am - misc - by Aprilfools (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML

#922323
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47458) - you deserved it (2995)

On 04/12/2009 at 3:21am - misc - by suckmeoff (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency for my interview to be a potential model and I was next in line. They called "NEXT!" and I walked in with a smile on my face. They stared at my face for a moment and then started yelling "NEXT". FML

#922187
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52226) - you deserved it (9969)

On 04/12/2009 at 3:00am - misc - by taptheturtle (woman) - United States (California)



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