Today, an injured guest stopped at the front desk of the hotel and raved about my kindness and 'commitment to customer service'. He told my boss about how I'd gone to the ice machine and personally delivered a bag of ice for his injured knee. Guess who got written up for leaving the front desk? FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2009 at 10:01pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to hand write a 10 page essay for one of my classes. When I turned it in I got an automatic zero. It was written in blue. Not black. FML

by stupid / 09/23/2009 at 9:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got it on for the first time with a guy I've been dating. He had to turn the TV up loud so that his mom couldn't hear anything. I'm 20 years old and I lost my virginity with Disney Channel blaring in the background. FML

by seriouslystupid / 09/23/2009 at 8:08pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my dad threw up on my dress. My wedding dress. While he was walking me down the aisle. FML

by poorgirl / 09/23/2009 at 5:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

by Bubba / 09/23/2009 at 4:48pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a video camera behind a plant in my bedroom. My husband uses it to video tape himself having sex, with another woman. FML

by ugh / 09/23/2009 at 3:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, at a bus stop my friend told me that he loved me. I, reacting on impulse, told him how long I've wanted to hear him say that, and kissed him. Then I realised the look on his face. Turns out he'd said 'I need new shoes' not 'I love you.' FML

by Lifes_overated / 09/23/2009 at 10:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2009 at 8:08am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

by Riskreh / 09/23/2009 at 7:10am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my boyfriend is coming over. We haven't seen each other for a while so for a surprise, a few days ago, I decided to shave my pubic hair. I've come up in a huge rash that looks like some sort of infection. Not quite the sexy surprise I was hoping for. FML

by fuzzy / 09/23/2009 at 6:43am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Intimacy

Today, I was home alone, and decided to do some naked cleaning just because I could. After half an hour of liberating nakie-dusting, I turn around to see my boyfriend and his best friend gaping at me open mouthed. His older brother however gave a creepy smile and the thumbs up. FML

by DusterOverBits / 09/23/2009 at 5:35am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML

by fatty / 09/23/2009 at 2:47am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

by cchandler / 09/22/2009 at 9:10pm / United States (Washington) / Love