Today, I walked into work, and the first question my boss asks me is "Are those your pajamas?" I was wearing my favorite outfit. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2009 at 10:38pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I left my cell phone on the hotel counter. FML

by LAXsucks / 10/19/2009 at 9:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML

by tracey / 10/19/2009 at 5:12pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, my manager mentioned that she'd hired a "cute boy" to help me out at work with paperwork. The "cute boy" was my ex-fiancé and now I have to be with him in an office for 30 some hours a week while his current fiancée brings him lunch everyday. FML

by Alyssa / 10/19/2009 at 3:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I drove 100 miles from my parents house to mine. I had only a few miles left when I realized I really had to pee. I didn't want to pull over somewhere when I was so close to home, so I sped up. A cop pulled me over a block from my house. I started to sob, and ended up peeing myself. FML

by anonymous / 10/19/2009 at 3:16pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I had a UTI. After, taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, while in class, a cute boy came up and asked me for my number. I giggled and wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and told him to call me sometime. He gave me a weird look and walked away. He was asking which number math problem I needed help with. FML

by loser / 10/19/2009 at 1:43pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my sister that I thought I was pregnant, and that she was the only person I had called. Immediately after I hung up the phone I got a text saying, "OMG my sister thinks she's pregnant!" FML

by Misc248 / 10/19/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (Florida) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because he has anger issues. Tonight, my tires were slashed. FML

by kierstin / 10/19/2009 at 11:54am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

by cc10 / 10/19/2009 at 7:50am / China (Beijing) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

by MGZ / 10/18/2009 at 10:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, at work this woman came up to my counter and handed me gold top covered in gold sequins. I like to chat with the customers sometimes at work so I got all excited and said "Ooh! You shopping for Halloween?" She gave me the biggest death stare. Turns out she wasn't shopping for Halloween. FML

by moduschic / 10/18/2009 at 9:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, it was Homecoming. During the dance, I saw this mentally handicapped guy ask this pretty girl to dance. She said no. So I went over to him and asked him to dance. He replied that he only wanted to dance with "pretty girls" and I was not one. FML

by omgwtf / 10/18/2009 at 11:32am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous