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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

#260982
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26882) - you deserved it (83099)

On 03/10/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boss had to leave the house for a little while. She asked me to take any messages she got. I answered the phone and lady calling said she was returning her call about the opening for a nanny position. I am the current nanny. I found out I am being fired by the new nanny. FML

#260978
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51244) - you deserved it (2058)

On 03/10/2009 at 2:52pm - work - by nannynomore (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

#260878
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64738) - you deserved it (2789)

On 03/10/2009 at 2:37pm - misc - by dileigh (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I stretched out my wedding dress on my bed so it could air out before the big day tomorrow. Later I returned to my room only to find my cat on my wedding dress, it peed on it. FML

#260115
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52281) - you deserved it (14848)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:53am - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the kids I teach informed me that I had spelled my name incorrectly on the board. I looked at it and assured them that I had spelled it correctly. I'm 22 and a graduate student, they're six and mentally challenged. Guess who was right? FML

#260093
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15320) - you deserved it (60353)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:46am - work - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML

#259526
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91271) - you deserved it (5290)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:55am - work - by SalonGirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

#259383
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30451) - you deserved it (52501)

On 03/10/2009 at 5:56am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

#257838
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50022) - you deserved it (2833)

On 03/10/2009 at 12:20am - love - by nononame (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I called off work saying my Great Grandmother died. A co-worker texted me later asking where and when the funeral was. I made up a lie and said some random funeral home and date. My co-workers sent flowers to the funeral home for condolences. The flowers were returned. FML

#257281
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5109) - you deserved it (77341)

On 03/09/2009 at 11:32pm - work - by Whatever01 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was babysitting an eleven year old boy. He decided we should play with nerf guns with velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck on his pants wiggling for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML

#256188
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42050) - you deserved it (11211)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - kids - by xoVioLoveox (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in my backyard scolding my cat. I yelled, "If you can't learn to use the bathroom correctly then I am going to leave your stupid butt out here in the snow until you figure it out!!" Later, my neighbor left me a nasty note about child abuse - she thought I was scolding my son. FML

#255521
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42864) - you deserved it (9850)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:16pm - kids - by flaggurl (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

#255362
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66720) - you deserved it (2595)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:03pm - health - by toothache (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

#254929
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17256) - you deserved it (42051)

On 03/09/2009 at 8:26pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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