Today, I flew to see the guy that I've been in love with for 3 years. We spent the day at Walmart. To buy a plunger. After I blocked up the toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2009 at 9:40pm / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

by Sam / 11/01/2009 at 6:10pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, tired and hungover, I missed my bus, tried to walk to the train station, got lost, got soaked in the rain, got huge blisters, and had to be picked up because I was late for work. I got in, drenched, tired, and cold only to be told there was "nothing to be done." FML

by KenWhatIMean / 11/01/2009 at 5:12pm / United Kingdom (Scottish Borders) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2009 at 4:08pm / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, I am not allowed to have any of my candy because of my sister's weight problem. FML

Today, I received a 4 page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight in full detail. I am one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML

by Nomoretexting / 11/01/2009 at 12:35am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, while up in my room getting ready to go out, I thought I heard some trick or treaters knocking on the door. I ignored them because I didn't have any candy. The knocking got louder and longer. I walked downstairs, and noticed that the living room ceiling was falling down onto the floor. FML

by trickortreat / 11/01/2009 at 12:23am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got rear-ended at a stop sign on a seldom used road in my neighborhood. As I open my car door to trade insurance information with the guy, he backs up a little and speeds away, taking my car door with him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2009 at 11:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm and I saw and smelled smoke coming under my door. My second story window wouldn't unlock so I broke it open, threw out as many of my belongings as I could, and jumped. Turns out, the smell and noise were from my roomates cheap vacuum cleaner, not a fire. FML

by smokedetector / 10/31/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

by thornrose22 / 10/31/2009 at 8:22pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that I was conceived during a conjugal visit. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2009 at 3:40pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health

Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

by Morgannaken / 10/31/2009 at 1:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous