Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML

#2350763
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16625) - you deserved it (68517)

On 05/27/2009 at 7:10pm - work - by waterproblem (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

#2349846
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58544) - you deserved it (7470)

On 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got an acceptance later to a great boarding school in India for my senior year of high school. I sent them a letter telling them I wouldn't go, because I just got back with my ex-boyfriend. I just got a text from my boyfriend. Guess who's my ex again? FML

#2344396
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16663) - you deserved it (109923)

On 05/27/2009 at 4:12pm - love - by tarini (woman) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)

Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML

#2341558
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48633) - you deserved it (6774)

On 05/27/2009 at 2:15pm - kids - by boo (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

#2340174
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48940) - you deserved it (5584)

On 05/27/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by snitchovich (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML

#2339155
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48765) - you deserved it (2678)

On 05/27/2009 at 11:39am - misc - by Brook363 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

#2336807
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38350) - you deserved it (5271)

On 05/27/2009 at 7:44am - misc - by GodDamnFan (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my friends out to an expensive restaurant for my birthday treat. They had arranged for a surprise birthday cake for me which I cut, very happily, while they chanted birthday wishes. When the bill came, I discovered I was supposed to pay for my great 'surprise' cake. FML

#2336185
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49712) - you deserved it (4868)

On 05/27/2009 at 6:15am - money - by abc (woman) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, I was on webcam with someone and the conversation died so I said "brb". I sat there for five minutes not realising I had left my webcam on. FML

#2334865
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8140) - you deserved it (73680)

On 05/27/2009 at 3:11am - misc - by Arrgh (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML

#2332954
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37420) - you deserved it (15579)

On 05/27/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by Lmop68 (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML

#2330424
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59389) - you deserved it (19428)

On 05/27/2009 at 12:06am - love - by sounfair90 (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML

#2328337
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8001) - you deserved it (81804)

On 05/26/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by Ash (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my most difficult task at work was three hole punching a 500 page document so somebody could put it in a binder on their shelf and not read it. I have a $150,000 education. FML

#2326583
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47411) - you deserved it (7320)

On 05/26/2009 at 10:19pm - work - by bagpipesrkmywrld (woman) - United States (Virginia)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: