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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was at Disneyland with some of my friends. While eating lunch, we watched a small child get frightened by the person dressed as Mickey Mouse. We all burst out laughing only to be jumped by Chip and Dale. Apparently I scream louder than the little kid. FML

#3260741
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8331) - you deserved it (47312)

On 06/26/2009 at 11:44pm - misc - by FailureAtLife121 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. My doctor said it was okay to eat, so, I had some mashed potatoes. Apparently, my body disagreed with the doctor, because I threw up. Because my face was so swollen, it didn't make it out my mouth. It went through my nose instead. I literally blew chunks. FML

Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML

#3249982
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17834) - you deserved it (47167)

On 06/26/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by Saucy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

#3246317
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42873) - you deserved it (6564)

On 06/26/2009 at 3:48pm - health - by sad_panda (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

#3241027
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46382) - you deserved it (27493)

On 06/26/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by LondonKitsch (woman) - United States

Today, I finally thought that my mother was okay with me being a lesbian. Then, over dinner, she turns to me and says "So, do you still think you like girls, or are you going to start being normal again?" FML

#3237223
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52346) - you deserved it (10056)

On 06/26/2009 at 10:22am - love - by shouldhaveknown (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, My 5 year old sister informed me she had left me a present in my bed. She had tied a ribbon around a dead rat's neck and propped it up on my pillow. The label says his name was Bert. FML

#3237157
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41104) - you deserved it (2551)

On 06/26/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by toothfairy (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had three sheriffs come to my door, turns out my boyfriend of three years went on a robbing spree last week and brought the stolen merchandise back to my apartment. The best part: He used my car while committing the robberies. FML

#3230818
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49331) - you deserved it (6199)

On 06/26/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Ipickthegoodones (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

#3225149
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39307) - you deserved it (2590)

On 06/26/2009 at 12:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML

#3210112
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13398) - you deserved it (103519)

On 06/25/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML

#3208136
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60331) - you deserved it (3485)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:29pm - work - by dazedandconfused (woman) - United Kingdom (Harrow)

Today, a man from across the bar looked at me, pointed and said "MMMM, now THAT'S what I want." Offended, I confronted him to tell him I felt disrespected by him referring to me as 'that.' Turns out, he was pointing to the cheeseburger that the waitress behind me was holding. FML

#3207730
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8105) - you deserved it (48977)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a yard sale and found a cute plush duck. I sent a pic of it to my friend with the message "Jackpot!" I guess she didn't see the pic because she called me up all excited, thinking my boyfriend of 6 years finally proposed to me. "No, I said, I just found a big duck for $1." FML

#3205255
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38801) - you deserved it (6545)

On 06/25/2009 at 3:17pm - love - by smallmediumatlrg (woman) - United States (Florida)



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