Today, I had to drink the most vile and disgusting medicinal treatments I could ever imagine. Then I had to drink it again when I threw up the first batch. FML

Today, I was at a stop light when I saw a cute police officer at the light across the intersection. Trying to be cute as I drove by, I turned and winked and waved. The car in front of me stopped, I rear ended them and then got rear ended. The cute cop winked back, then wrote me a ticket. FML

by Jennnn / 09/16/2009 at 4:08pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I went to an interview for a job I really wanted and am qualified for. I've been looking for months. This job was perfect; close to home and great pay. Needless to say I spent quite a while preparing. Everything was going great until I had to sneeze, which forced out a loud, long fart. FML

by interviewed / 09/16/2009 at 6:37am / United States / Work

Today, somebody broke in to my house and stole my laptop, which had years worth of family photos on it. Where was I when it was stolen? At Staples, buying supplies that included CDs to finally back up my pictures. FML

by fobfan14 / 09/16/2009 at 6:37am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was arguing with one of my professors. She said that all married couples fight and I told her that my parents have never argued or fought about anything. When I got home my parents told me that they're getting a divorce. FML

by omgstfuplz / 09/16/2009 at 4:38am / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom was criticizing how I can't handle taking care of any living thing because I'm too irresponsible. We had a huge argument so I went back to my apartment, only to find that my fish had died. I forgot I had a fish. FML

by FlipYoC / 09/16/2009 at 2:15am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend got pulled over and arrested for driving with a suspended license. Instead of getting my car impounded, his friend thought he'd do me a favor and drive it back to me. He doesn't know how to drive stick and blew my engine. My boyfriend is in jail and I no longer have a car. FML

by takingthebus / 09/16/2009 at 2:12am / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I am still coughing. I was diagnosed with whooping cough last week, which apparently cannot be treated. Basically, it appears I'm a 19th century English peasant. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2009 at 1:33am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

by Brinty / 09/15/2009 at 10:43pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2009 at 10:27pm / United States / Work

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

by Kellye / 09/15/2009 at 8:24pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML

by Soontobeex / 09/15/2009 at 5:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I got rejected for approximately the tenth credit card I've applied for, I called a bank to find out why. Apparently I took out a car loan in 2004 and bought a house in 2006. I was 13 in 2004. The credit report does not have any records of this. Thank you identity theft. FML

by Lost / 09/15/2009 at 3:24pm / United States (New York) / Transportation