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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML

#1722072
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47376) - you deserved it (14007)

On 05/07/2009 at 4:27pm - misc - by weliveanddie14 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

#1719560
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (115556) - you deserved it (5647)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, I went to the pet store to get mice for my mom's snakes. While checking out, the guy working behind the register asked what kind of snakes I had. I told him they were my mom's and he mentioned this crazy woman that talks to her snakes. That's my mom. FML

#1717469
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49613) - you deserved it (4160)

On 05/07/2009 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML

#1716313
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31344) - you deserved it (65521)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by ummPORQUE (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27393) - you deserved it (96644)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I released some ducks I had hand raised with my sisters at a local lake. They were raised around my huge German Shepherd, which explains why they didn't freak out when two huge dogs came out of no where and killed three of them, in front of my little sisters. FML

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

#1713391
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54489) - you deserved it (5364)

On 05/07/2009 at 8:39am - love - by TrulyYours (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, one of my teachers asked me to babysit their kids saturday night. She didn't forget that it was Prom night, she was going to chaperone it. My teacher assumed I wasn't invited to Prom... I wasn't. FML

#1712481
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65055) - you deserved it (4633)

On 05/07/2009 at 6:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML

#1708480
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53424) - you deserved it (2615)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:53am - work - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged in a car crash. As the teller warns me that a pattern of damaged passports will result in longer processing periods, she spills her coffee - all over my new passport. I'm supposed to go overseas in a month. FML

#1707668
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55719) - you deserved it (1931)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML

#1706797
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71661) - you deserved it (8079)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:47pm - kids - by fmal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I left my lights on in my car. I realized it at lunch, made sure to turn the lights off and tried to start it. The battery was dead, and I called my dad to jump it before I got back from my game. I come back from my game and the lights were on. He left the lights on after the jump. FML

#1705940
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39601) - you deserved it (5596)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by stupidlights (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

#1704585
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62775) - you deserved it (2759)

On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)



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