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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

#1399688
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60392) - you deserved it (6142)

On 04/27/2009 at 5:50pm - animals - by Tragic (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend of two years, who is a fabulous guitarist and singer, told me he wrote me a song. I was so excited. Turns out it was a break up song. FML

#1399527
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58792) - you deserved it (3700)

On 04/27/2009 at 5:47pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

#1394893
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49581) - you deserved it (4499)

On 04/27/2009 at 3:46pm - work - by Journo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

#1394629
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39354) - you deserved it (17492)

On 04/27/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by fmylifechelsea (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I colored my hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde, but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back, a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red, brown, blonde and green. FML

#1392760
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37249) - you deserved it (35138)

On 04/27/2009 at 2:39pm - misc - by Fmyhair (woman) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, my boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over the weekend. It was really cute and I always borrow his shirts so I asked to borrow his new one. He replied with, "Okay but please don't stretch this one." FML

#1387702
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46237) - you deserved it (16588)

On 04/27/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

#1387325
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23556) - you deserved it (119822)

On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in a big argument, my sister uninvited my mom to her wedding. Trying to comfort my mom, I rented Mamma Mia knowing she's wanted to see it for a while. Turns out, Mamma Mia is a mother/daughter feel-good about the daughters wedding. I had no idea, and my mom cried the whole movie. FML

#1386673
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21498) - you deserved it (66071)

On 04/27/2009 at 8:54am - love - by mammamia (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

#1384927
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10004) - you deserved it (49643)

On 04/27/2009 at 5:14am - misc - by maddie94 (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML

#1382386
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37966) - you deserved it (8709)

On 04/27/2009 at 1:58am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was giving my crush a lift home from a mutual friend's house. When he got in the car, my mom asked in French, "Is this the guy you won't stop talking about? You can do so much better!" Of all the things I've told about him to my mom, I forgot to mention he's French as well. FML

#1380025
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55250) - you deserved it (11276)

On 04/27/2009 at 12:43am - love - by frenchgirlll (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML

#1378715
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44244) - you deserved it (4697)

On 04/27/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my family was talking about how people's hair goes gray when they get old. My grandma mentioned that she was initially attracted to my grandpa because of his red hair and was sad when it turned gray. "It's ok," she continued, "his pubic hair is still red." FML

#1378571
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66395) - you deserved it (3723)

On 04/27/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by ewwww (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



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