Today, at work we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML

by R / 10/28/2009 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Work

Today, I was working my job at Sephora when I overheard two women talking. One of them asked her friend, "Is being pretty a requirement to work here?" Her friend turned to see me, turned back to her friend and said, "I guess not." FML

by uglyyyyy / 10/28/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2009 at 2:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I realized that I have to block my number to get my own mother to take my phone calls. FML

by Slayeddd / 10/28/2009 at 9:06am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I won a raffle organised by a friend. I discovered one of the "prizes" was actually a present that I had given to her, that she had "loved". When I asked her where she had gotten it, she said, "Oh, just some crap someone gave me once." She didn't even remember that I had given it to her. FML

by Rhea / 10/28/2009 at 7:00am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my car through the car wash. I got bored, so turned the radio on, forgetting that the aerial/antenna on the car is automatic. My car aerial is now bent at a 90 degree angle and about to fall off. The radio is half white noise, half stuff that may or may not be free jazz jam sessions. FML

by ohsnap / 10/28/2009 at 6:14am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2009 at 4:03am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends when I suddenly passed out due to my hypoglycemia. When I woke up, I discovered that I was still in the same spot and my friends had abandoned me to go to class. Also, my stuff was stolen. FML

by hey-ooo / 10/27/2009 at 9:15pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was moving into my new house. While trying to turn on the light in the bedroom, I realized I couldn't reach the string on the fan. I got a chair, climbed up, reached over, and fell badly. While writhing in agony on the floor, I looked over to see a light switch on the wall. FML

by Kailey / 10/27/2009 at 8:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got on my computer and saw my little brother had left his myspace page up with a message between him and his friend. They were talking about a plan to basically humiliate me in any way possible. It was called "Operation: Fat Cow." FML

by ilovemybrother / 10/27/2009 at 8:29pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was reaching over to give me a hug for no reason. I said "Aww, You're sweet! I love you too!" He looked confused and said, "That's great, but I was reaching for the remote." FML

by Queen_of_Night / 10/27/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I got my tax return. I was really excited. Turns out the government does take the time to send out a tax return for $1.36. FML

by nicolo / 10/27/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, I realized that the only thing I learned from my first serious relationship was how to fake an orgasm. FML

by kjirut / 10/27/2009 at 2:49pm / Norway (Oslo) / Intimacy