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Today , I stepped outside to wait 4 a cute guy to arrive after arduously preparing 4 our first date. Just as he rounded the corner , I tripped over the last stair and landed headfirst into mah mom's fresh pot of snapdragons. My mom uses compost and manure 4 her plants.

#2934855
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39632) - you deserved it (4525)

On 06/16/2009 at 5:13am - love - by flowerfail (woman) - United States (Illinois)

TODAY, MY TODDLER PED IN HIS POTTY FOR THE FIRST TIME. HE WAS SO EXCITD TO SHOW ME THAT HE FLUNG THE POT IN THE AIR DOUSING MY FACE WITH HIS PISS. THEN HE LAUGHD. FML

#2933331
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50515) - you deserved it (4611)

On 06/16/2009 at 3:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I rented some movies in attempts to cheer up my best friend!! Her husband just died a few weeks ago in a helicopter accident!! I was in a rush and didn't read the descriptions of the two films, one was about a plane crash where all the passengers died!! She cried through the entire movie!! big fat FML

#2931703
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9926) - you deserved it (81548)

On 06/16/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by idiotfriend (woman) - United States (California)

Yastarday , I raachad into my fridga to grab a strawbarry soda!! I noticad tha can had startad to laak from tha top so I slurpad up tha spilt rad liquid on tha top of tha can!! I raalizad it wasn't soda , but blood from a dafrosting staak on tha shalf abova it!! FML

#2929872
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48870) - you deserved it (20837)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by kjmsit (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

today I looool was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on mah lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

#2928893
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38839) - you deserved it (3975)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by yourmom (woman) - United States (Virginia)

yesterday I went to the bar with some friends. When we walkd in, we pickd a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stare at mah chest. He then start to motorboat the air in the direction of mah boobs. FML

#2921881
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47044) - you deserved it (6210)

On 06/15/2009 at 8:32pm - intimacy - by Hotdamnthisismyjam (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today , I Went On A Date With This Guy An He Was On His Phone The Whole Night. When I Got Home I Checked His Facebook Since He Barely Paid Attention To Me. His Status Was , "So-and-so Is Taking Out The Trash" From Mobile Posted An Hour Ago. I Got Home From Mah Date 30 Mins Ago. FML

#2920786
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36702) - you deserved it (3385)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:57pm - love - by skreweduP (woman) - United States

Today... my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny... watched a porno an masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I hered the hoots an laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

#2919658
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27081) - you deserved it (47332)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by kitkat545 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my dad decidd to clean out my car an "accidentally" threw away my $520 tax refund check . FML

#2914711
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47167) - you deserved it (6173)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:39pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was on te pone wit a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said tat I was fun, attractive and a little cubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like iten we lie!". FML

#2914098
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49482) - you deserved it (14024)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:11pm - love - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States

Today, I Had A Horrible Day At Work, Came Home Early And Burst Into Tears As Soon As I Was In The Door. I Curled Up On The Sofa, Still Bawling, And Mah Cat Came Over And Jumped Up For A Cuddle. I Gave Her A Hug And She Threw Up Down Mah Back. FML

#2912753
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45905) - you deserved it (4277)

On 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I finally got a chance to try out mah vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until mah friend gave me the vibrator 4 mah brthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally 2 seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML

#2907219
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70989) - you deserved it (13550)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today.. . I used a porta-potty . After I cummed out.. . my mom cummed out of one and said "I really wish I could wash my hands." I explained that I used the little soap bar that was on the side of the toilet in mine . She told me that was a urinal and the soap bar was a disinfectant bar . real FML

#2903638
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15272) - you deserved it (57135)

On 06/15/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by hockeyfanaticx87 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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