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Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

#1131048
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66161) - you deserved it (6898)

On 04/19/2009 at 8:17pm - animals - by yuckspider (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML

#1127830
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54942) - you deserved it (3221)

On 04/19/2009 at 7:07pm - work - by guessimdead (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well until I noticed a bug on my interviewer's lower neck. I shouted that something really disgusting was crawling on him. It turns out it was his big hairy mole. FML

#1125126
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17767) - you deserved it (55469)

On 04/19/2009 at 5:52pm - work - by Crunchy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, is my 21st birthday. I get home after my night out and walk into the garage to see a 2002 Red Corvette convertible. I run up to the car thinking its a gift and there's a note: "Dani this is not your birthday present. Quit drooling on my car. -Dad" Thanks Dad. FML

#1124896
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52595) - you deserved it (12195)

On 04/19/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by scarletdurose88 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to the sandcastle contest at my local beach. While waiting in line for my hotdog, a man cut in front of me and demanded a cup of water. I called him a jack ass and was saying how people like him give us a bad reputation on the beach. I then see him running to his choking daughter. FML

#1123133
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10986) - you deserved it (78276)

On 04/19/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by howembarrasing (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he thinks about long term relationships. He said, "Our relationship is kinda like having a dog. Chances are, your dog is going to die pretty quickly, before you do. Dogs and humans just aren't meant to be together forever." He compared me to a dying dog. FML

#1123118
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55596) - you deserved it (4915)

On 04/19/2009 at 4:49pm - love - by wvugirl (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was babysitting a 5-year-old girl and we were coloring. She made me a card that was very sweet, so I smiled. She looked at me and went "Don't smile, your smile is really scary." FML

#1119408
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49670) - you deserved it (4742)

On 04/19/2009 at 2:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was fixing some photos for a client. I spent 20 minutes trying to Photoshop an unusual black dot out of a picture. Only then did I discover it was a black dot on my computer screen. FML

#1118521
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11184) - you deserved it (59033)

On 04/19/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by confusedphotographer (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I woke up in the night and was really thirsty so I took a drink of water that had been sitting next to my bed for a few hours. After taking a huge gulp, I felt something strange in my mouth, ignored it and went back to sleep. When I woke up I saw all the ants that were floating in it. FML

#1110151
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53153) - you deserved it (13042)

On 04/19/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by Ihatebugs. (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, for my mom's 50th birthday all she wanted was this gold bracelet. It was too much money for me to buy so I bought the same one in silver. Right before I gave it to her, my older sister gave her the gold bracelet which made her cry. When I gave her my present she just said "oh." FML

#1105841
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63429) - you deserved it (5031)

On 04/19/2009 at 12:27am - misc - by ohhotdamn (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

#1104891
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (469359) - you deserved it (29084)

On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said that it wasn't really appropriate for me to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance. FML

#1103682
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60438) - you deserved it (5026)

On 04/18/2009 at 11:34pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand



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