Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

by Jessica / 10/21/2009 at 2:31pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Kids

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

by Rayvyn / 10/21/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

by TheSublime / 10/21/2009 at 9:54am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2009 at 11:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

by jaxattax / 10/20/2009 at 4:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my 10 year old step-brother has an obsession with fire, after he burnt all the belongings in my room, including an £600 guitar. FML

by NikkiiFireStarter / 10/20/2009 at 6:46am / United Kingdom (London) / Kids

Today, I woke up at 3am after 2 hours sleep to get to my 7.40am interview with the Air Force. I went through a full medical check, a psych test and an interview with military personnel, was there for 7 hours with no food and only water to drink, only to be told I wasn't suited to the position I applied for. FML

by Fail. / 10/20/2009 at 1:43am / Australia (South Australia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. I noticed that he had added a signature onto his texts that had the date 11/10/09. At first, I blushed and thought it was the date we had become a couple. But then I realized it was just the day the new Call of Duty game comes out. Love you too. FML

by gamergirlfriend / 10/20/2009 at 1:26am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML

by 20lbknockout / 10/20/2009 at 12:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I walked into work, and the first question my boss asks me is "Are those your pajamas?" I was wearing my favorite outfit. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2009 at 10:38pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I left my cell phone on the hotel counter. FML

by LAXsucks / 10/19/2009 at 9:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML

by tracey / 10/19/2009 at 5:12pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, my manager mentioned that she'd hired a "cute boy" to help me out at work with paperwork. The "cute boy" was my ex-fiancé and now I have to be with him in an office for 30 some hours a week while his current fiancée brings him lunch everyday. FML

by Alyssa / 10/19/2009 at 3:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Love