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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my boyfriend was going to propose. Since he was really nervous, he decided to have a couple of drinks to loosen up. He ended up throwing up and passing out before he could get down on one knee. FML

#1358275
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51216) - you deserved it (4366)

On 04/26/2009 at 3:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got kicked in the face at a soccer game. Everybody clapped. FML

#1351695
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62496) - you deserved it (8800)

On 04/26/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by Tal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML

#1351662
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16982) - you deserved it (40485)

On 04/26/2009 at 11:13am - animals - by alikat (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone. I saw my little sister's talking bear at the bottom of my bed, it said "squeeze me" so I squeezed it and it said "it's over." It was my boyfriends voice. I was dumped by a talking bear. FML

#1349405
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79292) - you deserved it (4342)

On 04/26/2009 at 8:35am - love - by shawty_x (woman) - United Kingdom (Hartlepool)

Today, I was at a pool party. Standing outside of the pool, I was hesitant about taking my shirt off. A girl in the pool shouted "Hey, you're not the only fat one here, don't feel bad!". I was worried about what my friends would think of my new bellybutton ring, I don't think I'm fat. FML

#1348524
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56580) - you deserved it (7456)

On 04/26/2009 at 5:47am - misc - by TheRawrza (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML

#1346080
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82114) - you deserved it (5549)

On 04/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by calliefml (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML

#1345231
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94769) - you deserved it (4986)

On 04/26/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by hopeless1 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I worked a car wash as a fundraiser. Being nice I figured I'd bring my car, get it washed, and donate some money. When it was my car's turn to be washed, everyone was conveniently busy washing other cars. My car was in front and needed to be washed and moved. I paid $10 to wash my own car. FML

#1345183
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41774) - you deserved it (10088)

On 04/26/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by fail (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, one of the guests I was in the middle of seating knocked an empty wine glass from the table. I assured them it was all right and kneeled down to pick up the now broken glass. The lady insisted on helping as far as picking the glass up and dumping the shards into my open hands. FML

#1342921
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44524) - you deserved it (3367)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:35am - work - by shadowednavi (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

#1341827
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48492) - you deserved it (7689)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:07am - kids - by margretlle (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

#1339602
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44348) - you deserved it (15989)

On 04/25/2009 at 11:10pm - animals - by poopedon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my best friend and I performed a rap to our whole school. The rap was "made up" by our friend. After the performance, a lot of friends asked me why I did a rap from Hannah Montana. Apparently the rap was off of a show for 8 year olds. We are 17 and people think we watch Hannah Montana. FML

#1336947
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14972) - you deserved it (50717)

On 04/25/2009 at 10:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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