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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

#2037920
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47677) - you deserved it (9754)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

#2030761
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93588) - you deserved it (22375)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I spilt boiling tea all over my stomach and left leg, so I went to the hospital to get it checked out. They said I wouldn't be able to expose it to the sun for the next two months. I'm going to Barbados tomorrow. FML

#2014797
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58648) - you deserved it (7157)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by _dopey_ (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

#2010673
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12640) - you deserved it (50276)

On 05/17/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by Kerrilyn (woman) - United States

Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML

#2010345
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15738) - you deserved it (55949)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Wexford)

Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML

#2009508
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53279) - you deserved it (4198)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML

#2003683
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51043) - you deserved it (7869)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, a little girl came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Lindsey, lets be friends!". I thought she was cute so I played along and said "Okay! My name is Jen!" Her Reply: "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML

#2002110
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45817) - you deserved it (11757)

On 05/17/2009 at 12:33am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and asked, "Mom, why are we so poor?" I replied, in a sweet motherly tone "Honey, we're not poor." She then asked, "Then why do you dress like we are poor?" FML

#1997248
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43977) - you deserved it (7445)

On 05/16/2009 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

#1987412
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47026) - you deserved it (19231)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by Heifer (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

#1986687
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17448) - you deserved it (43444)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Ricky (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

#1986164
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48196) - you deserved it (8060)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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