Today, my grandson asked how old I am and whether I'd seen Mammoths "for real" when I was a kid. FML

by Granmacathy / 11/29/2009 at 2:13am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 1:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a hotel for vacation with my brother and his wife, I was watching their two-month old daughter in the waterpark when a woman came up to me and said, "Aww your kid is so adorable! Don't worry, you'll get your figure back in no time." I'm a fourteen year old girl. FML

by Shannon / 11/28/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (Louisiana) / Holidays

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2009 at 7:32pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave each other's side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML

by IndieRox / 11/28/2009 at 5:03pm / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

by moon_paw / 11/28/2009 at 11:17am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I woke up and took my mom to work. It wasn't until after I got home, logged on Facebook and looked at the upcoming birthdays to see that it was her birthday today. No wonder she was silent the entire car ride and slammed the door on the way out. FML

by MegGRRRz / 11/28/2009 at 10:33am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to look at my positive ebay feedback to feel loved. FML

by Anon. / 11/28/2009 at 7:22am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Love

Today, I used the same credit card to apply to college and pay for a rave ticket. My card went through on the rave ticket but denied the college application fee. I guess my credit card is trying to tell me something about my future. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2009 at 2:23am / United States / Money

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

by tjcl / 11/28/2009 at 1:32am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2009 at 12:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 6:23pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I went to my best friend's wedding. All my friends and their boyfriends were seated at one table, while I, as the only single girl in the group, was put on a table with all the other single people. They were all over forty years older than me. I feel like I have seen my future. FML

by singlegirl / 11/27/2009 at 1:16pm / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love