Today, I was carrying several bags of groceries up the stairs to my 3rd story apartment when I saw a giant rat climbing down the wall towards me. I screamed and dropped my groceries, which went over the rail and landed on the bottom floor, destroying them all. The rat? Just a big leaf. FML

by n_london / 10/12/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, after working another double shift because I want to buy my boyfriend a really expensive anniversary present, I get to his apartment to find him calculating in how many paychecks he'll be able to afford a Caribbean getaway. For himself. FML

by Sucker / 10/12/2009 at 3:31pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML

by Few_Absolutes / 10/12/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

by embarassed / 10/12/2009 at 10:13am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, after spending the night at my boyfriend's house, I was heading out the door when he called me back to hand me something I had left at his house a while ago. It was one of my bras. It wasn't until I got home I noticed the cup size was a B. I'm a size D. FML

by Jennagirl / 10/12/2009 at 10:03am / Australia (South Australia) / Love

Today, I won 10,555 dollars on scratch cards! My sister got me to do a happy dance and filmed it. The video is on facebook and the tickets were fake. FML

by Dora / 10/12/2009 at 9:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

by ravestradamus / 10/12/2009 at 8:34am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, my friend asked me if I could watch her mother's cats while they go on vacation. I agreed since her house is on my way to work. When I talked to her mother, I found out she has 30-something cats. She reckons she lost count. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2009 at 4:22am / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, my electricity went out. The electric company said it was because the bill was at least 4 months overdue. Apparently, I have been paying for my roommate to go out and party for weeks. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2009 at 2:41am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a bubble bath, and had my iPod touch on the side of my bathtub so I could listen to my music. My dog walked up to the side of the tub, looked me in the eye, and nudged my iPod into the water. FML

by bubbles / 10/12/2009 at 1:36am / United States / Animals

Today, my son lost his pet rat, Charlie. Whilst vacuuming under my couch, the vacuum suddenly shut off. Something was stuck in it, so I took it apart. Something was inside, so I leaned in closer to get a better look. Bad news? I need a new vacuum. Good news? I found Charlie. FML

by ohgosh / 10/12/2009 at 1:27am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother had 'the talk' with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2009 at 9:28pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

by washed / 10/11/2009 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous