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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, one of the guests I was in the middle of seating knocked an empty wine glass from the table. I assured them it was all right and kneeled down to pick up the now broken glass. The lady insisted on helping as far as picking the glass up and dumping the shards into my open hands. FML

#1342921
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44286) - you deserved it (3341)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:35am - work - by shadowednavi (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

#1341827
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48452) - you deserved it (7687)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:07am - kids - by margretlle (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

#1339602
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44329) - you deserved it (15983)

On 04/25/2009 at 11:10pm - animals - by poopedon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my best friend and I performed a rap to our whole school. The rap was "made up" by our friend. After the performance, a lot of friends asked me why I did a rap from Hannah Montana. Apparently the rap was off of a show for 8 year olds. We are 17 and people think we watch Hannah Montana. FML

#1336947
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14949) - you deserved it (50689)

On 04/25/2009 at 10:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, was my 16th birthday and I was supposed to be surprised with a new car. I have overheard my parents talking about bringing it home tonight while I was at a friend's house. We snuck back to my house to see them bring my car home. All I saw was my Dad crash my new car into a street lamp. FML

#1334002
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51936) - you deserved it (12994)

On 04/25/2009 at 8:44pm - misc - by crashednowcrushed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a going-away party because I am leaving the country forever. Out of the 130 people invited, 60 were a resounding "Yes! of course I will go!". After paying $300 for everything needed at the party, 2 ended up coming. And left because nobody else was there. FML

#1332259
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82419) - you deserved it (5050)

On 04/25/2009 at 7:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Brazil (Parana)

Today, at the rescue group I volunteer at, we finally adopted out a dog that has been with us for a few years now. This was an amazing thing for us because we never thought he'd get adopted. As we were getting excited and hugging each other, the dog ran away. FML

#1331551
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40078) - you deserved it (7309)

On 04/25/2009 at 7:36pm - animals - by ugh (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while walking through the halls of my high school, me and my boyfriend shared a quick kiss. A young teacher walks by and tells us to stop due to Personal Display of Affection rules at our school. She then looks at my boyfriend and tells him he could do so much better. FML

#1328143
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63347) - you deserved it (5852)

On 04/25/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was in the shower and had just finished washing my face. When I put the soap down I noticed a curly, black hair stuck to it. Im blond. The only other person who uses that bathroom is my uncle. I just rubbed my uncle's pubic hair all over my face. FML

#1323775
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49840) - you deserved it (8414)

On 04/25/2009 at 3:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I spent 90 dollars and two and a half hours getting my hair done at a fancy salon. As I was unlocking my car, a bird pooped in my hair. FML

#1323390
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50953) - you deserved it (11280)

On 04/25/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by birdmagnet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, is my boyfriend and my 3 year anniversary. We decided to give each other something that we really needed. I bought him the $300 worth of books that he needed for college. He surprised me with a workout video and exercise equipment. FML

#1322520
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50313) - you deserved it (10412)

On 04/25/2009 at 2:41pm - love - by fmlgirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I started fixing my hair and unbuttoning a couple of buttons on my shirt, hoping the policeman would let me off with a warning. When he got to the car, he rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I saw him walk back to the cop car gagging. FML

#1316192
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10922) - you deserved it (76733)

On 04/25/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

#1315849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51900) - you deserved it (2313)

On 04/25/2009 at 9:31am - work - by feistychick (woman) - United States (Arkansas)



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