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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was talking to my guy friend on the phone. He said, "You sound depressed, I should cheer you up and give you a big hug." Jokingly, I responded, "You wouldn't hug something as gross as me." His response? "You'd be surprised." FML

#4174665
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13499) - you deserved it (40117)

On 07/31/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by Girafarig (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

#4175407
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42575) - you deserved it (3558)

On 07/31/2009 at 12:01am - kids - by BadMurderer (woman) - Mexico (Tabasco)

Today, I decided to check my email on our family computer. Since my dad's account was already logged on, I chose to use his instead of logging on my own. When opening up a new page and seeing his recently viewed sites, I learned that he loves to watch porn. I also learned he has a foot fetish. FML

#4172225
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31658) - you deserved it (18317)

On 07/30/2009 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

#4165999
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43309) - you deserved it (27251)

On 07/30/2009 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by yeahthatsme (woman) - United States (Kentucky) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was at the doctors getting a pap smear and she asked if it was alright if a doctor in training could come in to observe. I was already laying on the table with my feet in the stirups so everything was in plain sight. When the man came in to observe I looked up to see my brother in law. FML

#4161962
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50510) - you deserved it (2658)

On 07/30/2009 at 1:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML

#4159325
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48003) - you deserved it (6524)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:52am - intimacy - by VelocityMary (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

#4157203
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39323) - you deserved it (3965)

On 07/30/2009 at 9:56am - kids - by Rae (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart to heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

#4156133
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13698) - you deserved it (51183)

On 07/30/2009 at 8:02am - intimacy - by BrokenVow (woman) - Canada (British Columbia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

#4155124
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22619) - you deserved it (55118)

On 07/30/2009 at 5:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my cell phone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML

#4154850
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41165) - you deserved it (4088)

On 07/30/2009 at 4:58am - misc - by emily (woman) - United States (New York) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my boyfriend and I made a date to try to save our relationship. I sat in his room for hours while he watched YouTube videos of World of Warcraft. FML

#4154215
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45768) - you deserved it (7541)

On 07/30/2009 at 4:11am - love - by adsfkerfmpo (woman) - United States (California) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I bought a cool new pair of sunglasses. I wore them today, and all day I kept getting comments about how much I looked like Ozzy Osbourne and John Lennon. I'm a girl. FML

#4152950
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32011) - you deserved it (12711)

On 07/30/2009 at 2:51am - misc - by poop_mcqueen (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my mom asked me if I was crying because my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. That wasn't why I was crying. My mom knows things before I do. FML

#4147404
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51736) - you deserved it (2827)

On 07/29/2009 at 11:20pm - love - by screwed (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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