Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

by FYLyfer / 10/26/2009 at 5:34pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML

by notsohot / 10/26/2009 at 4:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

by ohhhgross / 10/26/2009 at 2:32pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. I started tearing up and telling him that I feel like he never has time for me anymore. He responded with, "I'm hungry." FML

by hanzastfu / 10/26/2009 at 1:25pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was walking in the park when I was hit on the shin by a red ball. I was confused, until it was followed by an enormous German Shepherd dog going at top speed. FML

by Lizofsmeg / 10/26/2009 at 12:24pm / United Kingdom (Brent) / Health

Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML

by Shobz / 10/26/2009 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

by Roida / 10/26/2009 at 6:15am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

by kl / 10/26/2009 at 2:15am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2009 at 12:27am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

by cheezeits / 10/26/2009 at 12:24am / United States (California) / Love

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some losers car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

by Jo / 10/25/2009 at 11:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister got married. For the second time. She's 30. Two men have loved her enough to cry over their vows to her. Every single person there asked me why I wasn't married yet. FML

by joyful-not / 10/25/2009 at 10:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was at ATandT getting my phone fixed. At one point, the salesman said 'you should see this'. It was a text message from some girl apologizing for sleeping with my boyfriend for the past four months, and telling me that they were moving him out of our apartment. FML

by LTJFP / 10/25/2009 at 10:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Love