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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my cell phone rang while I was still asleep. I picked it up, half asleep, only to find it was a wrong number from some guy. Three minutes later I receive a text message saying "Hey, you sound cute..." from the same number. I looked to see if he was local. I'm that desperate. FML

Today, we were running late for school so my mum shouted at me to hurry up and get in the car. I put my school bags in the boot of the car and my mum drove off. It wasn't until she got to my school and told me to get out that she realised I wasn't there. FML

#1898485
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51853) - you deserved it (3613)

On 05/13/2009 at 8:36am - misc - by albert (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was walking to find a public toilet in a Chinese village. While looking for the women's restroom, I stepped on a thin sheet of plastic. I fell into the toilet's waste collection area and found myself knee-deep in the villagers' faeces. FML

#1897379
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65054) - you deserved it (5166)

On 05/13/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by pooped (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I rode my bike to the store because I only had a few things to pick up. When I walked back out after five minutes, my bike was stolen. I had gone to the store to buy a new bike lock. FML

#1881750
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43143) - you deserved it (11402)

On 05/12/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by getyourownbike (woman) - United States

Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

#1877583
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56360) - you deserved it (2670)

On 05/12/2009 at 4:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML

#1877566
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55611) - you deserved it (13587)

On 05/12/2009 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, not wanting to be known as a lightweight anymore, I started drinking with some guy friends. After one beer I ended up in bed with one of them who kindly put my bra back on for me after, as I was too sloshed. I'm no longer known as lightweight, but instead, the slutty drunk. FML

#1869904
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11726) - you deserved it (78237)

On 05/12/2009 at 10:23am - misc - by Permafucked (woman) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I spent hours baking a multi-layered, detailed cake from scratch for my mom's birthday. It took two seconds for my dog to devour the cake while I picked up a spoon I dropped on the floor. FML

#1868232
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48918) - you deserved it (5925)

On 05/12/2009 at 7:16am - animals - by babyboomerang (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

#1866535
380 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74892) - you deserved it (10792)

On 05/12/2009 at 3:19am - health - by bathroomseww (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

#1861801
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52130) - you deserved it (6563)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

#1847078
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42166) - you deserved it (2621)

On 05/11/2009 at 4:37pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it's the five year anniversary of my father's death. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and crying about how much I missed him. He replied with, "Sometimes, I think you just like to hear yourself talk." FML

#1845741
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84759) - you deserved it (9971)

On 05/11/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by bezoar10 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

#1842367
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47071) - you deserved it (3895)

On 05/11/2009 at 1:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)



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