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Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML

#2397124
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13373) - you deserved it (47827)

On 05/29/2009 at 7:12am - misc - by ilikecake (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I bought a top with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

#2396046
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43337) - you deserved it (13030)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:44am - misc - by suckerrrrr (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

#2395953
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10040) - you deserved it (51010)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:23am - misc - by M2thaM (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned to never blast classic rock with your convertible's top down while passing an SUV full of gangbanger wanna-bes. That is, of course, unless you want your immaculate, newly detailed leather seats to be decorated with pretty brown and white milkshake stains. FML

#2393913
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43973) - you deserved it (7761)

On 05/29/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, at work as a cashier, I had a male customer come up to me and ask me what hours I worked today, like he has done for several weeks now. Immediately after, my manager calls my lane to tell me to watch out for that guy. He has been stalking a co-worker of mine. Apparently, I'm next. FML

#2393503
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42380) - you deserved it (3655)

On 05/28/2009 at 11:51pm - work - by be_nj (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

#2392986
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18071) - you deserved it (42653)

On 05/28/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by danyelicindereli (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

#2390335
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10785) - you deserved it (54116)

On 05/28/2009 at 10:35pm - health - by pathetic (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

#2387828
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61405) - you deserved it (5016)

On 05/28/2009 at 9:32pm - misc - by Jeanine (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I seemingly misplaced my cell phone but didn't have time to look for it before work. This evening, my cell phone company calls me to tell me I have six hundred dollars worth of calls to El Salvador that I have to pay for. My cell phone was not misplaced, it was stolen. FML

#2384944
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39896) - you deserved it (3602)

On 05/28/2009 at 8:13pm - money - by xxteenhearts (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my friend's birthday. She's been having problems with most of her friends besides me lately, so I wanted to do something special. I brought her a cake. Me and her were the only ones to have any. It gave us both food poisoning. FML

#2379437
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41845) - you deserved it (4276)

On 05/28/2009 at 5:43pm - health - by HappyBirthday (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him so that we can consolidate our student loans. FML

#2376040
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50810) - you deserved it (3469)

On 05/28/2009 at 3:51pm - love - by loserface23 (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was looking at the skeleton of a human male that we have in out biology classroom. I picked up the hand to examine the bones in the finger, and had the sudden realization that this is the only time that I have held hands with a boy. I'm a junior in college. FML

#2375758
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53444) - you deserved it (7968)

On 05/28/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my cell phone service was interrupted because I owed the company 27 cents. It cost 36 dollars to reinstate my service. FML

#2373894
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41842) - you deserved it (9962)

On 05/28/2009 at 2:17pm - money - by Princess (woman) - United States (New York)



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