Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

#2137630
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49449) - you deserved it (2295)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:31am - misc - by verycre8tive (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked me where my boyfriend was. I told her he was at his house. I'm twenty and single. I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic. FML

#2136862
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42493) - you deserved it (12424)

On 05/21/2009 at 2:21am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

#2133178
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54636) - you deserved it (7670)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:04am - intimacy - by S (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom and my step dad decided they're getting a divorce. They've been married for 2 weeks and I paid for a quarter of the wedding. FML

#2122739
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64364) - you deserved it (5769)

On 05/20/2009 at 7:44pm - love - by disaster... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend and I decided to wear a new red lipstick. The guy I like turned around, looked at her and said, "Red is a really interesting, sexy color. Pretty bold. Not bad." and he smiled. I waited, smiling also, only for him frown and say, "Your teeth are REALLY yellow." FML

#2112917
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44120) - you deserved it (15714)

On 05/20/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I spent two hours making dinner for my boyfriend's family. When I brought it over to their house they said "thanks" and didn't bother to invite me to stay to eat it. FML

#2111941
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52847) - you deserved it (3953)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by dole_out_the_fml (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after a long night of cramming for an extensive Anatomy final (detailed diagrams included), I check the senior final schedule to find that Anatomy is not till tomorrow, but I take Calculus in 10 minutes. This is followed by an e-mail from my teacher saying I can exempt Anatomy. FML

#2108783
100 comments

Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML

#2107196
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15491) - you deserved it (47362)

On 05/20/2009 at 5:07am - animals - by catlover (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband was leaving on a long business trip to Germany. As he's leaving, my daughter starts crying. 'Dont leave me with her !' she says. 'Take me with you !' FML

#2104254
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47780) - you deserved it (8196)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:18am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because "She wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML

#2095201
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66339) - you deserved it (3773)

On 05/19/2009 at 9:21pm - kids - by bopbop (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML

#2093858
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26959) - you deserved it (96192)

On 05/19/2009 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by Kens (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

#2086057
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9986) - you deserved it (68771)

On 05/19/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by June (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband let me sleep in while he worked on the landscaping by our backyard pool. Ready for a shower, I stripped naked, opened the back door to let the dog out, and stepped out to ask him how it was going. Turns out he'd finally hired a landscaping crew. FML

#2082819
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40704) - you deserved it (25461)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by Deconstructed (woman) - United States (Georgia)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: