Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

by Brittanyy_leigh / 12/17/2009 at 2:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2009 at 2:25am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into Old Navy to buy myself a pair of jingle jammies. Save yourself the embarrassment: don't shake the jammies in the middle of the store to hear the jingling, because these jammies do not jingle. You'll just look like an idiot. FML

by sarabalism / 12/17/2009 at 12:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to rid my son of his pacifier. He still uses it to sleep. My son is 20 years old. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I found my boyfriend of two years is a wanted man in the state of Texas, and was living under a fake identity for the past three years. What is he wanted for? Rampant identity theft. FML

by Frauded / 12/16/2009 at 8:42pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my little brother got mad at me, so he colored the entire screen of my new iPod Touch with a black sharpie. FML

by epiiphany / 12/16/2009 at 6:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was running the drive-thru window at work, when a man pulled up with his dog in the seat next to him. As he was counting out his change, the dog leaned over his hand and drooled all over it. Not only did he pay exclusively in coins, those coins were slimy from dog drool. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 4:53pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 2:28pm / United States / Love

Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML

by eww657 / 12/16/2009 at 10:43am / United Kingdom (Bracknell Forest) / Love

Today, I worked for three hours writing very neat notes with one of those pens that erase. I felt very accomplished, so decided to share it on Facebook. I brought my computer over to my lap on top of my notes. Turns out heat from laptops smudges ink from eraseable pens. I can't read my notes. FML

by ohhi_itsme123 / 12/16/2009 at 7:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 7:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I found the only man who hates sex. He's my boyfriend. FML

by Unsatisfied / 12/16/2009 at 1:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who I have been trying to get back together with, texted me. He asked me how life was going, he then asked me if I had the naked picture of him saved on my phone. I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to send it to his crush. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 1:15am / United States (Washington) / Love