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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML

#2464831
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62382) - you deserved it (9599)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Heather (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML

#2463557
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44313) - you deserved it (5020)

On 05/31/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by ailat0107 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. She celebrated her birthday two months ago. She decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

#2459455
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64462) - you deserved it (4501)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by Samantha (woman) - Singapore

Today, I was walking the beach and I saw my crush walking towards me. I was thinking about what I was going to do while playing with my top that ties in the front. I decided that I was just going to smile. When we got closer to each other I smiled and waved as I put my hand up it untied my top. FML

#2458285
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35051) - you deserved it (15802)

On 05/31/2009 at 5:43am - misc - by sierra808 (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I woke up with a hangover after an intense night out. I decided to look at my camera to figure out what happened the night before. All my pictures were deleted except one video of me dancing to Lollipop by Lil Wayne, and giving a lapdance and head to my giant plush rat. FML

#2454603
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9427) - you deserved it (51806)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by crunkdrunk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number. FML

#2449996
382 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41215) - you deserved it (18861)

On 05/30/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

#2447996
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57030) - you deserved it (2804)

On 05/30/2009 at 10:37pm - love - by anoymus (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML

#2445222
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11276) - you deserved it (63250)

On 05/30/2009 at 9:13pm - misc - by jazzyfizzle (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML

#2442795
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20475) - you deserved it (49334)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by whoahshloann (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

#2442070
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50570) - you deserved it (7552)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:22pm - misc - by satanlovesme (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I began to choke on a large pill while my mom was in the room. Hoping that she would help me, I began to make a lot of noise. After she completely ignored me, I threw my body over a chair, saving my life. At this point my mother asks me to shut up because she can't hear her friend. FML

#2436304
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56514) - you deserved it (4119)

On 05/30/2009 at 3:50pm - health - by quietdown (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was beautiful out. I decided to play guitar at the park near my house. I left my guitar case open, asking not for money but for feedback. I got two pieces of paper with feedback: 1) You're fat. 2) Get a life. FML

#2429175
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42148) - you deserved it (12128)

On 05/30/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by peopleinthepark (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

#2428701
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55101) - you deserved it (19430)

On 05/30/2009 at 10:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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