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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my husband and I were in bed when the alarm on his phone went off. He then told me that he had to 'sound the horn' and went over to his laptop. Wondering what that meant, I peered over at his laptop. It turns out hunting for mice on Facebook is more important than procreating. FML

#3851520
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33664) - you deserved it (3698)

On 07/18/2009 at 4:15am - love - by Phoebe (woman) - Singapore

Today, I just found out that my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend are rooming together at college. Visits are going to be extremely awkward. FML

#3846556
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52187) - you deserved it (6337)

On 07/18/2009 at 12:21am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36350) - you deserved it (95634)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

#3840283
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50541) - you deserved it (3337)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by heresmybellybotton (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, doesn't mean your mom won't walk in your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML

#3838782
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36339) - you deserved it (9410)

On 07/17/2009 at 7:09pm - intimacy - by Alwayshappens2me (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

#3837360
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46179) - you deserved it (6498)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:02pm - kids - by Divorcemenow (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend and I exchanged promise rings. I promised that I would stay committed to him and that he was the only one for me. He promised that he would stop seeing other woman behind my back. He wasn't kidding. FML

#3833567
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49767) - you deserved it (4791)

On 07/17/2009 at 3:24pm - love - by Shocked (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, to get back at me for breaking up with him, my ex-boyfriend thought it would be really funny to post semi nude pictures of me on Craigslist. To top it off, he decided to give all 200+ people who responded to my ad my home phone number. I'm getting non-stop calls from horny freaks. FML

#3832351
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51429) - you deserved it (18917)

On 07/17/2009 at 2:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

#3831265
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36770) - you deserved it (7653)

On 07/17/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by ohman (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was going to check out my secret condom stash. When I looked inside, I found a note. The note read: "Thanks hun, I really needed this. Love, Mom". FML

Today, while backpacking in Switzerland I had my camera stolen. Not only does this have photos of my entire trip but the pictures I took for my best friend's wedding. I was the only photographer of her elopement. FML

#3828649
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46642) - you deserved it (10621)

On 07/17/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by pissedinSwiss (woman) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, I received a "diamond ring" in Mafia Wars (a facebook app) from my boyfriend of 3 years. Along with the ring came a message. It read, "Will you marry me?" He was serious. FML

#3827229
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56434) - you deserved it (9301)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:56am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was getting a haircut. I had my foils in for about 10 minutes when the fire alarm went off. The building then started to fill with smoke and we evacuated. While outside watching the fire being put out, I forgot about my foils. I now have bright bleached yellow and orange hair. FML

#3826223
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38302) - you deserved it (5432)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:12am - misc - by 1danzo1 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)



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