Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML

#3991086
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58019) - you deserved it (26229)

On 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by Ella (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother invited me to a nice restaurant to meet her boyfriend whom she's been seriously dating for a month. Imagine my surprise when she led me to a table and my boyfriend's father stood up, shocked, to greet me. Rather than being horrified, she is now planning double dates every week. FML

#3988589
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50804) - you deserved it (2810)

On 07/23/2009 at 8:52pm - love - by pleaseno (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past 4 months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

#3986456
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56264) - you deserved it (3276)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:25pm - love - by Inga44 (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML

#3983887
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38248) - you deserved it (8316)

On 07/23/2009 at 5:40pm - intimacy - by Eskyew (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was walking through a heavy door at work, so I reached behind me to catch it so it wouldn't slam shut. Little did I know that my boss was walking through right after me. Instead of catching the door, I caught a handful of his crotch. FML

#3982111
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46265) - you deserved it (4945)

On 07/23/2009 at 4:23pm - work - by bossgroper (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I am allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

#3981210
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16146) - you deserved it (40124)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:43pm - animals - by emmey (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I saw an elderly man struggling to make it across a busy street. I jumped up from my table at Starbucks to help him, leaving my things behind. When I got back to my table feeling good, I found that my coffee had disappeared. So had my wallet. FML

#3971332
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34504) - you deserved it (23491)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a funeral. When I got there, I hugged one of the family members and he asked, "How are you?" Out of habit, I replied, "Good, how about you?" He looked appalled and shouted "How the fuck do you think I am?! My mother just died!" loud enough for everyone to hear. FML

#3968055
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41047) - you deserved it (18481)

On 07/23/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by partycats (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML

#3967657
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72334) - you deserved it (4471)

On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML

#3960027
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49709) - you deserved it (5431)

On 07/22/2009 at 7:35pm - love - by OneYearMistake. (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML

#3959281
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39917) - you deserved it (4065)

On 07/22/2009 at 7:03pm - misc - by uncleaning (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

#3958624
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63725) - you deserved it (2455)

On 07/22/2009 at 6:36pm - health - by retainer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the boss returned from vacation. While he was gone we thought it would be a great idea to fill the water cooler with margaritas. Even after rinsing it we still have lime flavored water. Needless to say we got a company memo about appropriate office behavior. FML

#3958127
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7840) - you deserved it (47370)

On 07/22/2009 at 6:15pm - work - by shayes9 (woman) - United States (Florida)



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