Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML

#2975022
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51660) - you deserved it (4400)

On 06/17/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by automaticfail_00 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was dropping my new boyfriend off at his house. I had never been there before, so he was giving me directions as I drove. We passed a small trailer home on the right. I commented without thinking, "I'm so glad I don't live in a house like that." My boyfriend told me to turn right. FML

#2973939
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9908) - you deserved it (60392)

On 06/17/2009 at 6:08pm - love - by emix (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my friend told me that he was having a scrabble tournament at his house with a bunch of our friends. I told my dad about the tournament and he gave me a special scrabble dictionary to bring. Hesitantly, I brought the dictionary and as I walked in everyone was playing beer pong. FML

#2968002
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34698) - you deserved it (11669)

On 06/17/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, at my job in a chemists, I had a customer ask me which acne cream I would recommend. I picked up the brand I use and told her that I've been using it for a year now. After pausing to stare at my face for a second, she thanked me and picked up the competing brand instead. FML

#2966827
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39117) - you deserved it (5022)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, I got into a heated argument at a restaurant with a guy I am seeing because he refused to let me pay for the bill and I thought it was sexist. When he finally agreed, I gave the waiter my card, only to have him return a minute later telling me it was declined. FML

#2965217
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10442) - you deserved it (69702)

On 06/17/2009 at 11:25am - money - by feminist (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I gave a beautiful book of baby names to a friend of mine who's been trying to get pregnant for a while. She just burst into tears when she saw it. Just before meeting me, she'd found out she was sterile. FML

#2962771
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51120) - you deserved it (6438)

On 06/17/2009 at 8:27am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML

#2960234
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37693) - you deserved it (2605)

On 06/17/2009 at 3:12am - intimacy - by creepedouthostess (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was reading a book lying in my bed. I looked outside my window not to see the beautiful weather, but to see my creepy 70 year old neighbor staring at me with giant binaculars, then winks at me. I babysit his grandchildren this weekend, at his house. FML

#2959400
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38881) - you deserved it (2131)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:56am - misc - by Siehidbkdnd (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had a coffee date. The guy was waiting with coffee to meet me on the patio. I walked up to him, caught my favorite pendant necklace on the table, broke the necklace trying to get it free, and rattled the table so intensely that the guy's coffee spilled all over him. FML

#2959523
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32524) - you deserved it (6617)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:52am - misc - by vintage_vogue (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was flying home to Milwaukee after a weekend in South Carolina. When I got to the airport, my reservation didn't match up with any flights. Turns out Expedia booked me on a flight that doen't exist. I spent ten hours waiting in the airport for a two hour flight. FML

#2958799
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36665) - you deserved it (2678)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:02am - misc - by lojo (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party, and told them to keep the date free. I got several responses telling me that's not possible, because that's the day the new Harry Potter movie comes out. FML

#2935549
414 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40029) - you deserved it (27874)

On 06/16/2009 at 7:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

#2935296
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35089) - you deserved it (5351)

On 06/16/2009 at 6:35am - kids - by inboxbuddies (woman) - Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah)

Today, I stepped outside to wait for a cute guy to arrive after arduously preparing for our first date. Just as he rounded the corner, I tripped over the last stair and landed headfirst into my mom's fresh pot of snapdragons. My mom uses compost and manure for her plants. FML

#2934855
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38008) - you deserved it (4346)

On 06/16/2009 at 5:13am - love - by flowerfail (woman) - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: